


Public Enemies

by RescueSatellite



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrinette, Angst, F/M, It will get happy, It's all angst, It's pretty dark, LadyNoir - Freeform, Lots of Angst, Marichat, Slow Burn, There's like no relief, but I also love to watch them suffer, but then sad, i love these characters, im so sorry, ladrien, like bad things happen, please don't read it, save yourself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-14 00:45:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7145195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RescueSatellite/pseuds/RescueSatellite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ladybug and Chat Noir have always been the heroes of Paris. But when Marinette is akumatized and wreaks havoc on Paris as Ladybug, the public no longer trusts the dynamic duo. Now, they can only find a friend in each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I have a lot of chapters done right now, but I think I'm gonna post them about once a week. So I guess just hold on for the long run.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Marinette is cute and Adrien is clueless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I made it better.

This wasn't the first time she has been caught staring at the back of Adrien's head. 

In fact, Alya more often than not saw her best friend eyeing him longingly from the seat behind him. Whenever Nino turned around to flirt with the girl who was totally not his girlfriend, he was prone to catching her boring holes into the back of his head. Sometimes Rose or Juleka would giggle as they watched the often quiet but genuinely kind girl smile at him. The worst instance was when Chloe caught her staring. She would scoff, flip her hair, and try to get the attention of Adrien. She wasn't jealous, though, of course. She knew the world famous model who was dripping with available girls was just playing hard to get. He wanted her. Chloe just knew he did.

So this wasn't the first time that Marinette had been caught staring at Adrien. But it was the first time he saw her. 

Ms. Mendeleiev was droning on about rock formations or something to that effect and Marinette had long since began day dreaming about her and her crush. In times of boredom or great stress she found a great stress reliever: thoughts of Adrien, who, in her opinion, was quite possibly the closest to perfection anyone has ever approached, if not achieved. She often spent her days thinking of them holding hands, the soft feel of his skin brushing against hers, running her thumb down his; having lunch together, their knees touching as they sat a little too close to each other on the bench, their lunches forgotten momentarily; innocently flirting with gentle gestures and touches and eye contact and she got so caught up with her dream-Adrien that she didn't realize the real thing had turned around to look at her.

The mess of golden blond hair ruffled as he turned to talk to Nino, maybe making a witty comment or sharing an inside joke, and from the corner of his eye saw Marinette staring shamelessly. Her hand propped her head up, the complete epitome of hopeless romantic: drooping eyes, half smile, soft blush. He turned all the way around and smiled at her, tilting his head to the side. It was at that moment that she gave a loud sigh. 

It was at that moment when Marinette realized her mistake. She sat up stock straight, the hands that once held her lazy head off the desk now pulling at the fraying hem of her shirt. She would have to mend that later. 

Adrien turned back around with a gentle smile, his own blush spreading across his cheeks. Nino bumped his shoulder. Obviously the boy had witnessed the whole thing, more ammunition against Marinette and her fragile disposition.

Her face flamed furiously. She swore the heat from her face was enough to set off the fire alarm. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and heard the loud sirens blaring in her mind. As she opened them, the noise didn't stop.

"Alright class, please make your way to the exit in an orderly fash-" Ms. Mendeleiev's words were quickly drowned out by the students screaming. Never trust a class with Chloe Bourgeois to behave rationally in the midst of danger. She was the first one to the door. 

"We're all gonna die!" she screamed as she ran, Sabrina close behind her, books spilling from her arms. 

Marinette saw the class transform from quiet boredom to all out chaos. Around her, people began running toward the door, accidentally - or in Alec's case, purposefully - bumping binders and books off the tables with papers that went flying. Pencils and pens were crushed underfoot. Rose immediately began crying next to Max while Juleka tried to comfort them and usher them from the room. She knew what the sirens meant, the special three pulses that warned of an akuma attack. If the monthly drills weren't enough, they all had enough practice with the real thing happening every week.

"Come on, girl, don't just stand there!" Alya was at her shoulder as always.

Marinette shook off the daze of her day dreams and shot into action.

"I'll be right there, I just need to get my phone from the back." She was suddenly glad the only power strips in the classroom were at the back of class. She sprinted up the stairs, yelling "I'll meet you in the quad!" over her shoulder. 

Alya measured the risks of staying and leaving, then decided that getting to safety in the quad was most likely the best response to the "this is not a drill" situation. 

As soon as she saw everyone in the classroom was out the door, she ducked down behind the desk to transform. If staring at the back of Adrien's head all day made her dream of light flirtation and hand holding, staring straight into his eyes spelled out fiery embraces and passionate kisses. It would have been nice at literally any other time than when their lives were at risk. But at that moment, ducked behind a desk, Marinette thought she liked the particular intimacy that came with being alone in a room with another person. 

"Marinette, what are you doing back here?" 

He ruined it. 

"I-I had to get my uh- my phone!" She stood quickly and grabbed it from the back table. "See? And I- um, tripped. So that's how I got behind the desk, you know, these things happen. Tripping, I mean."

"We gotta get you out of here, there's an akuma." Stating the obvious, Adrien placed a firm hand at the small of her back and pushed her toward the door. Her awkward nature around him fell away as her leadership instincts kicked in.

"You mean, we both have to get out of here? We're both in the same amount of danger." She smirked disapprovingly like she did when Chat tried to get her to laugh at one of his ridiculous puns.

Adrien looked at her for a second, recognizing a fiery glint in her eyes, and then insisted. "That's my point. Who knows where the akuma is. Come on!" He pushed her harder this time and she stumbled a few steps toward the door. Without the pulse of adrenalin working its way through her, she would have face planted on the stairs. 

"I realize that but I have to do-" what could she possibly have to do at a time like this? "-something."

"Nothing is more important than your life, Marinette."

"Adrien, I ha-" her rebuttal was cut off by an eruption of metal and plaster behind them. The entire side of the classroom facing the room next door caved in, the force enough to shatter the windows on the opposite wall. Adrien's hand grabbed at hers and pulled her under the protective cover of the desk. He tucked her head under his chin, something she would have enjoyed if it weren't for the situation. 

They listened intently to the splattering sounds, followed by more crushing as the akuma made its way out the classroom door. Carefully, Marinette glanced up over the desk. Adrien imitated her. The entire class was covered in colorful dripping ooze and broken building. They could see through the wall to the next classroom, which was covered wall to wall with multi-colored mess.

"On second thought, I really have to go." She peeled out of the room, following the path of destruction the akuma left in its wake. 

Adrien stayed behind and transformed, Plagg wiping the sleep from his eyes and the cheese from his mouth. Adrien would never get used to the smell. The little cat spiraled into the ring as soon as he heard the words. "Claws out!"

Marinette found a nearby janitor closet to hop into. As soon as Tikki had been absorbed by her earrings and had provided her with protective magic, she leapt out of the closet and fell into Chat Noir's smiling arms. 

"Hey there, Ladybug. Have a nice trip?"

"Very funny, Chat." That was the smirk. 

"Hey, what were you doing in a closet?" He had humor in his voice as they began to run across the school.

"I like to keep clean." She smiled coyly at him. They followed the screams and goo that the akuma conjured.

"Our friend here sure doesn't." 

The akuma had taken over what seemed to have been an art student. Tentacles of paint whipped around the lower quad area, the evacuation points of the school. Hundreds of students were lead there and now ran screaming from the tentacles that grabbed at students and colored them in abstract colors. Any student touched by the paint suddenly sucked into themselves and turned two dimensional, frozen in space until Ladybug's healing magic could free them. 

Luckily, Chat and Lady were a finely tuned machine. They looked to each other and nodded, understanding what needed to be done. They had done this countless times before, their muscle memory mostly taking over their actions. Ladybug swung her yo-yo onto a rafter in the ceiling and swiftly fell into action, Chat not far behind.

Marinette narrowly dodged a tentacle of paint goo as it passed behind her. The wind coming off of the tentacle was profound; it traveled much faster than she had expected. She dropped to the ground milliseconds before Chat did, their gruff exhales matched in determination. She rolled to the right as he rolled to the left, a giant tentacle splattering down between them. The contact sprayed multi colored goo all over, a splash of it coating Marinette's pony tail. The bit of hair thought for a second before shuttering and shrinking into itself, becoming flat. 

Chat seemed to have noticed the minor annoyance and shouted across the room. "Are you alright, my lady?"

She popped to her feet and tried to run into the center of the vortex of color. The art student had given up trying to infect the students with its paints and was now yelling about how their work had been destroyed, and they worked toward repentance. A rather large tentacled swung in from above faster than she could move, aiming directly for her as she somersaulted and backflipped out of the way.

"I told you I like to stay clean. Why don't we show 'em how it's done?"

A wry smile sprung onto Chat's face. "Clean up on aisle 9."

Another tentacle hit up against a wall, covering it in a thick layer of goo. 

"And aisle 14."

Chat flipped out of the way of a bright orange and green limb. "There goes aisle 4!"

"Focus, Chat!" 

Chat tried in vain to get closer to the student who had been akumatized. Every attempt was voided by the quick movements of the tentacles. 

"Cataclysm!" It was usually a last resort, but Chat was getting frustrated. Six or seven tentacles got hit by the magic, spraying half of the quad with color. Some students left in the quad caught in the crosshairs got an arm or a leg coated, but most had made their way from the quad. There were still too many waving arms to get anywhere near the akuma. 

"Nice try, kitty cat. Now's my turn. Lucky Charm!" Bursts of bright red and pink lights filled the room. Chat stood back and watched as a screwdriver dropped into his Lady's arms, red and black spotted. 

"What were you expecting, a paintbrush?" Ladybug snarled playfully over her shoulder at a laughing Chat. He admired her quick thinking as she looked around for an answer, coming up with an idea seemingly from nowhere. 

Chat watched her fluid movements as he distracted the akuma with loud comments. The Painter 's waving limbs crashed here and there around the quad, chasing Chat futilely. 

Ladybug turned to the air conditioning. She unscrewed the piece of metal securing the pipe to the wall and aimed the cool flowing air toward the tentacles. They were affected immediately, becoming chilled and slowed.

Ladybug smiled proudly. Chat loved her smile. 

He saw his opening toward the akuma. The little butterfly was trapped in a dangling purple key chain palette in the victim's pocket. He sprinted and skated past smoothly, grabbing the keychain and throwing it toward Ladybug. The akuma victim tried to catch the key chain in mid air, but the colorful limbs had slowed drastically. She broke the small plastic painters palette and a sickly purple butterfly squeezed its way out, sputtering lightly in its flight. 

"Time to de-evilize!" Her catch phrase was repetitive and familiar. Ladybug always smiled as she cleansed the akuma, genuinely happy for their return to health.

"Bye bye little butterfly." She waved at the sparkling white wings as they fluttered into the sky. Throwing the red and black dotted lucky charm into the air with a cheerful "Miraculous Ladybug!", she was greeted by the cheers of her peers who were suddenly three dimensional and clean.

"Ladybug! Chat Noir!" Marinette instantly recognized the voice. "Alya of the Labyblog. Could you tell us why this latest villain was so easy to defeat?" Her ever present phone was shoved as close as she could.

"We don't see the akumas as villains. Hawk Moth is the enemy. He uses them to do his bidding. They're just hurt and confused," responded Ladybug. "They need our help." She pointed up to the butterfly that was just making its way out of the open roof. 

"And as for its defeat," Chat Noir chimed in, draping an arm languidly across Ladybug's shoulders. "I guess we're just getting better." His cheeky smile made her flush slightly. She gave him a slight eye roll, unable to suppress a smile, and turned back toward the excitedly muttering crowd of students to shake hands and give high fives. 

He was right, they were becoming more effective as a team. They knew each other far more than when they began fighting together, and they had begun to anticipate each other's moves. Ladybug found herself needing to give less... orders? suggestions? to Chat to bring down the akuma. They flowed. 

The beeps in Ladybug's ears reminded her how precious little time she had after using her Lucky Charm. 

Chat must have heard the little chirps or felt her tense because he quickly turned to the crowd. "We've got to go now." He grabbed Lady around the waist and she gratefully placed an arm around his neck. "We'll see you at the press conference next week!" 

The silver staff extended to the height of the rooftop and they tilted onto it, running expertly away from the school before they transformed. 

Ladybug swung towards home, the closest place she knew where she would be safe to reveal herself. However, Chat had other plans.

"Ladybug!" He was hot on her tail. He had never been quite as fast as she was, but he made up for it with his puns. He caught up with her as she waited for him on the edge of a rooftop. 

He puffed slightly after the brisk run but stood tall and cocky as ever. It was then that Adrien realized he had nothing to say to her. She looked up at him slightly. He was only a couple of inches taller than her, but he had always seen her as bigger and better. He idolized her even while he fought beside her. She was his good luck. 

"I-I um. I wanted-" he never thought he would be glad to hear the beeping of her miraculous. Her hand shot up to her ear. 

"Can this wait until patrol, Chat? Tikki needs her cookies." Her slight tilt toward the edge of the roof told him she was ready to leave. He stared at her for a long moment, trying to come up with a reason for her to stay. She knew he stared. It was almost constant when they weren't fighting for their and other people's lives. This felt different though. Chat was always easy going and light. This Chat felt nervous and ... heavy. 

"Chat?" Her words shook him from his gaze. She turned fully toward him, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Of course, my lady. Never better." He was automatically back to his chipper self, smiling and ruffling the hair at the nape of his neck, hair that Marinette didn't even know she loved to stare at during the dull parts of school. "I'll see you at patrol."

Ladybug smiled gently at him. "Until later, kitty." She gave him one last moment of shared proximity before she whipped out her yo-yo and flung herself from the roof. 

"Until next time, my Lady." Chat smiled to himself. He stared contentedly at the back of her head as it grew farther away and more obscured until it disappeared all together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which actual plot starts to happen.

Unfortunately, and akuma attack was not an excuse for an absence. After every attack, school was expected to return as scheduled. The attacks were so frequent they could almost be scheduled. Apparently, there was a lot of negative emotion in Paris. 

"The city of love my voluptuous ass." Alya was prone to creative cursing. She was much better at vocalizing her opinions loudly than in a civilized manner. "More like the city of dick heads and casual smokers. I'm talking to you, ass hole!" 

It was not a good idea to piss Alya off. One of the many ways you could do such was by puffing on a cigarette as she passed during lunch break. There was a group of smokers who hung out by the corner on their way to Marinette's family bakery a couple of blocks away. They somehow always managed to be half way done with their cigarettes by the time the duo made it down the sidewalk. They were smart to ignore her ranting.

Nino and Adrien walked up behind them, Nino sneaking a kiss on Alya's neck when they thought no one was looking. Marinette laughed at them. They thought they were so sly as they hid their romance from their friends. 

"Where are you guys headed?" Adrian's strolled up alongside Marinette. She choked at his proximity. She could faintly smell the masculine cologne wafting off of him. She smiled up at him.

"Marinette? Do you wanna answer him?" 

Marinette turned bright red and looked over to Alya. Nino's arm was slung around her shoulder as they walked in tandem. They were both smiling broadly at her, much to her embarrassment. 

She turned back to Adrien. "Oh, well- I- I mean we- are going to go- it's really good- come with...us?"

"She's asking if you wanna join us for lunch." Bless Alya's little heart. Marinette was still beet red.

Adrien, ever the gentleman, smiled down at Marinette. "We'd love to, right Nino?" 

Adrien caught his friend staring at Alya. He looked up, a little confused. "What?"

"Food, bro. You in?" 

"I'm all about food. You know I'm in!"

Alya and Marinette shared a look and continued walking down the long street. 

"Where is this place?" Adrien asked.

"It's a little bakery down the road. They have the best croissants in all of Paris." Nino opened the door while Alya narrated. They all shuffled in the little restaurant, busy with the lunch rush. 

"Hey mom, could I get some pastries for my friends?" Marinette pulled her gaze away from Adrien to call out to her mother.

"Your mom works here?" Adrien looked surprised.

Marinette could do little more than smile up at him. Her stomach fluttered with more than just hunger. 

"Sure sweetie. Get 'em quick and go upstairs. We have a lot of customers today." Marinette's mother smiled sweetly at her daughter, her friends, and the room full of people.

Alya helped Marinette with the pastries and they all walked upstairs together. They munched on their fresh bread and rolls and sweets and talked. Nino kept his arm firmly around Alya's shoulder while managing to eat pastries from both hands. She called him a mess and he smiled down to her, crumbs stuck to his lips. She laughed at him and wiped the crumbs away with her thumb. Marinette wondered how she could flirt so easily.

Flirting never came easily to Marinette. She always stuttered over herself, mixing up words and confusing her corespondent. Which was usually Adrien. 

The group made it to the stairs leading to her room. Marinette went up first, balancing her pastries precariously in one hand while opening the hatch to her room with the other. 

Her friends chatted behind her. Alya made a joke that everyone giggled at. Then Marinette, stock still in horror, looked around her room.

Posters of Adrien were everywhere. In frames on her desk, on the wall, on the ceiling over her bed. She sprung into action, flinging her croissant to the side.

She ripped the posters from the wall, shut down her computer, jumped on her bed to tear down pictures covered in red sharpied hearts. She heard the next person coming up the stairs, laughing at another famous Alya joke. "I'm not kidding you!" 

Just as she had turned over the last portrait, Adrien's head popped out of the door in the ground.

"Wow, Marinette. I love your room!"

Marinette giggled her thanks. He took a place on her chaise lounge and munched on her parents' gifts.

Alya and Nino popped up next. Without ceremony, they took spots on the computer chair and floor respectively. Nino leaned against her shins, extending his long legs out in front of him. 

"Did you see my update on the Ladyblog?" Alya started.

Of course they all had. Nino to support his not-really-a-girlfriend girlfriend, Marinette to support her friend, Adrien to keep up in the love of his life. 

"Yeah," they answered together. 

"I can't believe what she said." Alya surprised Marinette. She was usually all supporting of everything that Ladybug did. Even when she messed up, when she went on vacation with the family and an akuma raged for over three days. Alya never had any doubt that her superhero was doing the right thing. Or at least all she could. 

"What do you mean?" Nino responded after an awkward silence.

"It's like she was sympathizing with the akumas. Like she was excusing their actions." 

"That's not it. She was just explaining the way they work. The akumas aren't evil, they're sick."

It wasn't a good idea to tell Alya she was wrong. Even if Marinette was technically the expert on the topic, Alya had strong opinions and stronger will. She retorted against her friend.

"That doesn't mean they don't cause real harm to people. Every week we have another attack, destroying half of Paris, looking for Ladybug and Chat Noir. They're always looking for their miraculouses." Alya swung her arms to punctuate her point.

"Are you saying it's their fault? That Chat Noir and Ladybug make them do what they do?" Adrien spoke up, unwisely.

"No, but it sure would be much safer to live in Paris if their power didn't attract so much evil." Alya took a deep breath to continue ranting. "I mean I love having them to protect us. Nobody loves watching them more than I do. Ladybug is my idol. My superhero. But they wouldn't be needed if they weren't here. They're dangerous." She got quiet suddenly. "I should know. I almost got sacrificed to the Pharaoh. I almost died."

The group looked around at each other. This was unlike Alya, ever sure and strong and fighting. 

"Almost everyone has had a near-death experience. Or they've been akumatized. Or they've been used as pawns. It's not safe in Paris. No matter what Ladybug and Chat Noir do, there will always be another threat to face."

She looked utterly dejected. She picked at the food that she normally downed in minutes. Nino turned to look at her. He put a hand on her knee.

"But that's exactly why we need them. Without them, who knows what an akuma would do to the city. There will always be people wth negative emotions that get affected." Adrien was the first to speak up. He didn't like the way Alya was talking about Ladybug and himself. They risked their lives daily to protect her. He knew in hindsight that there must be people who didn't like them, but he didn't feel they had... good reason. 

"If they just left, who knows what the akumas would do. The police can't stop them. Only Ladybug can purify the akumas." Marinette felt her anger build in her. She didn't like the idea that her best friend was upset with her alter ego. 

"I know that. I appreciate that. I just-" she took a big bite of her croissant and sighed through a forced smile. "It doesn't matter. They help the city. They love it and don't want to hurt it. That's the least you can ask for, right?" 

"Right." Nino looked over at Adrien on the chaise and Marinette who had made her way to lean on the wall. He nodded at them pointedly. 

"Right!" Marinette chimed in. "Adrien?"

He looked upset, his brow cinched. He loved Ladybug with everything he had. He knew that the akumas did damage, but that wasn't their fault. Especially not Ladybug. If anyone, he was the one who got in her way, prevented her from spreading her light. He was her darkness. 

"Right," he mumbled.

"Right," Alya took another bite of her croissant. "Well, we should be getting back to school. The school is cleaned up, so I guess we don't have a choice." She tried to make light of the situation but there was bitterness in her voice that they all caught. She cringed at her own timbre. 

The group stood. Alya made it to the trap door first, nearly jumping down the stairs with Nino close behind, still concerned. Adrien and Marinette stayed behind. 

"She doesn't mean it." Marinette noticed the dejected boy and tried to cheer him up. "She's just scared. She loves Ladybug. She just-" 

They met each other's eyes. They hoped it was a phase, but it felt deeper to them. It was hard to make Alya second guess herself, especially when it came to her idol. 

"Yeah, I'm sure she's just scared. Ladybug would never do anything to hurt anyone." He stood and smiled warmly down to her. She decided then that she liked looking at the front of his head more than the back of it. 

"Neither would Chat Noir." She smiled at the thought of the second half of her duo. She liked looking at him too. Not that she would ever admit it to. That would bring on an entirely new onslaught of teasing and flirting. 

Adrien tried to smile lightly. He looked away from her, around her room again. He spotted two strings dangling from her ceiling. She knew that if he pulled one, his schedule would spiral out, every second of his days spelled out to the minute. If he pulled the other, a large poster of Adrien Agreste in her favorite photo shoot of him, on the beach in a messed up suit. Superimposed next to him was a picture of her, smiling cheesily up at him. 

He went to pull on the latter string. 

"No!" She yelped, diving toward him. She tackled him from behind before he could pull the string, crashing down to the floor. She flailed she fell, her limbs tangling around his. He instinctively grabbed her around her waist to protect her from the fall. 

They oofed down to the floor, Marinette landing squarely on Adrien's chest. His arms encircling her pressed her to him. They were stock still for a couple of seconds as they processed what happened. Marinette pushed away from him, her hands splayed on either side of his head.

Adrien's cheeks heated, almost as brightly as Marinette's. He felt her weight fully on top of him and found that he... liked it. He remembered his more risqué photo shoots where half naked women pressed themselves against him. His father never let him be anything less than fully clothed for any photo shoot, at least until he was eighteen. He remembered the feel of their bodies against him and how uncomfortable he felt.

But this felt different. Though her cheeks were bright red and her mouth had formed a little o, she felt like she belonged there. They fit naturally together. He found a slight smile form across his face.

Marinette was mortified. She couldn't believe that she had tackled Adrien Agreste. What if he had bruises now and when he went on his next photo shoot they saw them and he got fired and his modeling career was ruined forever and he blamed her and never talked to her ag-

"What's going on here?" Alya and Nino poked their heads up through the trapdoor, sly smiles across their faces. 

Adrien and Marinette wiped their heads over to the pair. Marinette scurried off of him. Alya and Nino laughed. 

"When do you think they'll figure it out?" Alya tilted her head jauntily. 

"Oh, if they haven't figured it out by now, I don't think thy ever will." They ducked back down the stairs with a giggle. 

Adrien and Marinette stood up and shuffled quietly to the door. Adrien went down first, leaving Marinette to her blushing before they made their way back to the school.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chat is jealous of himself and heroes have flaws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silly Chat.

The rest of the day passed without incident. Marinette was constantly awkward around Adrien, especially now after that travesty, but she was looking forward to patrol that night. Anything to keep her mind off of Adrien. 

In her room after she had finished her homework and a half hour of sketching, she was ready to go out. Tikki looked up from her cookie as her chosen stood up with a huff. 

"What's wrong, Marinette?" Her small voice came from her pillow surprisingly void of crumbs for all the cookies she ate. 

"I totally embarrassed myself in front of Adrien! There's no way he'll ever be interested in me now." Marinette paced around her large room.

"I don't know, Marinette." Tikki flew swiftly up to her chosen's face, floating a couple of inches away from her. "I don't think you saw what I saw." Tikki plastered on her knowing smile.

"What did you see?" Marinette was automatically tuned in to Tikki's words. 

Her kwami giggled. "I can't tell you. What's the fun in that?" 

"Tikki! You have to tell me!" Marinette was quick to plead, on her knees, hands clasped in front of her. "Please, what did you see?"

"I can't tell you! I just don't think you should be giving up so easily is all." Tikki giggled at Marinette's shocked expression. "But it's time for patrol. You don't want to keep your partner waiting."

"Spots on!" Marinette shouted cheerfully as her kwami got absorbed into her earrings. 

With a new jaunt in her step, she leapt off her roof out to do her duty. She swung from rooftop to rooftop, quickly finding herself at the designated meeting spot. The sun was about an hour from setting, the perfect time for patrols. 

"Hello, my lady." Chat emerged behind her, slinking out from behind the chimney of an apartment complex. 

"Chat. It's nice to see you this evening." She smiled genuinely at him.

"What's gotten you so chipper? Happy to see me?" He came close to her, a familiar presence in her life since she was young and scared. And a growing pain in her ass as soon as he realized he had a crush on her. 

"In always happy to see you, Chat."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"But alas, I've got my sights set on another." She smirked over her shoulder to him and threw her yo-yo across the street to swing to another building and thus begin their patrol.

It took longer than she expected for Chat to catch up with her. She hadn't thought the realization that she might have a life outside of being Ladybug would strike him so hard. She smiled as she swung.

"Who is he?" He appeared beside her, startling her. She gave him a quick, playful glare. "I am sworn to protect my lady from any and all harm, be that emotional or physical."

"Who said it's a he?" She laughed again at his expression. His jaw dropped to the floor and stopped in his tracks. She had to wait for him to collect himself. 

"What are you saying?" he called from across the roof.

"Nothing, I'm just saying you shouldn't assume." He leapt across the roof to meet her as they began a little game of cat and mouse. 

"You're not gay are you?"

"Only for Charlize Theron."

"Everyone is gay for Charlize Theron."

"So that tells you something, doesn't it?"

They ran together throughout the city, looking for trouble around every corner. They stopped a man trying to grab cigarettes from a corner store. The store owner, an elderly woman, was beyond grateful, giving them both kisses on the cheeks. She gave Chat Noir a little squeeze as well. He smiled at her good-naturedly.

Back to their patrols, keeping a watchful eye over the people of Paris, Marinette remembered what Alya had said about Ladybug and Chat. She knew she was wrong. Ladybug - she protected everyone. 

"Okay, then who is this guy?" They stopped on the edge of a roof. Chat stood close behind her. He was always polite and patient, despite his flirty nature. He never over-stepped his bounds, but at this moment he seemed almost hurt. 

Ladybug turned around and looked at him. He stood with a proud chest, refusing to seem smaller than he was, ever the boy. She didn't see any hurt in his eyes. She reassessed her original thoughts of his demeanor. He must have just been concerned. And he was. He loved Ladybug, he didn't want her to be with someone who would hurt her, he didn't want her to be sad. She deserved happiness and joy and the best of everything. 

"That's none of your business." 

He took a step closer. "Give me a clue? I just wanna check this guy out."

"I can take care of myself, Chat." Her smile was peeved and she crossed her arms over her chest. He hated to see her close off. He forced himself to make his tone lighter. 

"I know. But that doesn't mean you don't need help. And I'm always here to help, my lady." 

Her smile was genuine again as he took his signature bow. "I appreciate your support, Chat." She walked over to him, only a few steps she realized; he was closer than she expected. She leaned into him and gave a soft hug.

He stiffened, not expecting such affection from his lady, who always kept herself steps away unless they were fighting an akuma. Just before he decided to hug her back, she let go. The sun was setting behind her, haloing her in light. She always looked beautiful, he thought, but just then he could have kissed her. He imagined it in every way possible: quick kisses, soft kisses, long and deep. 

Just then he wanted to touch her lips passionately and with all the love she deserved. He wanted to lace his fingers gently into the hair at the nape of her neck and pull her in to deepen the kiss. He wanted to feel her press herself against him and confess that it was him, that she had always wanted him. He wanted to kiss her until he couldn't breathe and then kiss her a little more. He wanted to-

She turned away from him, looking out to the sun set, dipping quickly below the horizon. She walked to the edge of the roof and sat, dangling her long legs over the edge. 

Unwillingly, Adrien started thinking about what Alya had said that afternoon. Ladybug sat before him, outlined in light, and he saw how perfect she was. This was a person filled with such kindness and beauty and love and strength. How could she ever do anything bad?

He looked down at himself. 

"Ladybug?" 

She turned over her shoulder and smiled quietly to him.

"Can I ask you something?"

She patted the space beside her as way of response, but he didn't come to sit down. She gave him a confused look and turned her body toward him.

"Do you think... Do you think sometimes we do more harm than good?" She stiffened slightly.

The question shocked Marinette. Since Alya's confession that afternoon, she had tried to avoid the topic of their occasional heroic blunders. 

"No." Her voice had hardness in it that Chat was not used to outside of battle. She turned back to look at the horizon. Instead of the soft edges of the beautiful Ladybug, he saw her harden into something unfamiliar and jaded. "We save people from things that want to hurt them. We help people." She didn't sound completely convinced.

"I know. I know we help people. But-" he struggled to find words. He knew that they did good. They why did he feel so guilty? "What about the people who get hurt anyway? We can't save everyone. And all those people who get hurt-" 

"They would be dead without us." 

Chat was shocked at the directness of his lady's tone. Her lightness had all but gone and she had been replaced by a worn superhero, someone who had seen the horrors of the world and survived. He heard something creep into her voice, a sadness he had never heard from her before. He didn't like it, he wanted to wipe it away and never return to this subject again.

He looked down at himself. He helped people. He saved people. But he didn't have her light, even now when it was dampened by... whatever it was she was feeling. He could never measure up to her. 

She had saved countless people, the entirety of Paris. She reversed the terrible effects of the akumas and all the death and destruction they caused. She was the epitome of a hero. She didn't deserve to feel guilty. 

And neither did he, he decided. He was her partner. He saved people, too. He could even do things that Ladybug couldn't, so he decided that his lady was right. People would be dead without them. Good people. People who didn't deserve to be hurt. 

He came to sit down beside her. Her hands were gripping the sides of the building, her knuckles would be white if he could see them behind her suit.

Slowly, carefully, as to not disturb her, he placed his hand over her own, one finger at a time. He felt her grip on the roof loosen, her shoulders relaxed. She leaned into his support, their shoulders touching.

They stared at the sun as it finished its decent below the horizon. 

"I appreciate your support, Chat." She tipped her head onto his shoulder. His stomach fluttered with butterflies deadlier than akumas.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone wants a happily ever after but no one knows what's good for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of pining before I take us on a wild ride.

Akumas didn't usually appear in such quick succession. But apparently Hawk Moth had redoubled his efforts to capture their miraculouses and their power. 

Marinette, Adrien, Alya, and Nino were studying at a local cafe during study hour. Well, Nino and Adrien were studying. Marinette and Alya were trying to be inconspicuous about staring at their crushes. They had ordered coffees to make it look like they were interested in the cafe, but their attention was held elsewhere. 

"But what have you guys actually done?" Marinette took time off of being a love sick puppy to talk with her friend about her own romantic prospects. Not her entire life had to revolve around Adrien and his green eyes and bright smile and golden ha- Nope. Alya's time. 

"Nothing, that's what worries me. We haven't kissed, we haven't even held hands. We just hang out and talk and flirt. Dear lord, do we flirt." A blush crept along her cheeks. "I mean, it's awesome, but I don't really know whether he's interested or not." 

Marinette had underestimated the amount of confusion one person could cause another. Of course, she had enough confusion in her life, what with Adrien. The problem was, she had no idea what the other person was thinking. But in this case, she didn't know why the two couldn't figure out that they liked one another. It was obvious.

"Why don't you just ask him?" It always seemed like the easy answer, but the look Alya shot her best friend told her that the notion had a fleeting stay in her mind. 

Resigned to her shyness, Alya flopped her head onto the table and covered herself with her arms as best she could. She grumbled something unintelligible that ended in a screech resembling a pterodactyl. 

Marinette adopted a tone of mock surprise and insult. "You can't tell me that you, Alya, Queen of Sass and all things Salty, the Confidence Master, is going to let a good, healthy, strapping young man such as Nino pass her by... just because she's shy?" 

"Just because... just 'cause I don't want to get hurt, Mari. Hurting sucks." The Confidence Master's voice was muffled under her arms and thick layers of hair.

"Hurting is what you're doing right now." Marinette placed one hand over her friend's, trying her best to be a comfort. "I know of one sure fire way to avoid this hurt."

Alya slowly sat up, a look of resolution across her face. She turned to Marinette with a happy smile. "You're right. I'm leaving Paris forever. Goodbye, you'll never see me again." She feigned standing up but The smaller girl pulled her back into her chair. 

"Don't even joke, Al." 

"Don't even joke, Adrien!" Nino punched his best friend's shoulder. No way would he ask Alya out. They had a good friendship going. They had a strong connection. He wasn't going to put that at risk - put their late night talks and video game duels and happy banter at risk - for a couple of kisses. Long make out sessions. Touching her thighs and her arms and her-

No. They had a good thing going. He didn't want to make her run away. 

"I'm not joking, Nino. Dude, it's so obvious that you guys like each other. You flirt like every single day! It's not that subtle." Adrien couldn't keep the smile off of his face. When would they realize?

"Nah, bro. We're just like that. Flirting is fun. She's..." he heaved a heavy breath. Adrien gave him a look and took a long draw of his tea. "She's fun, man. I like her a lot." Wistfully, he propped his chin on his palm and gave her a longing look. 

"Exactly! So go tell her that." Adrien spotted Alya from across the cafe. Marinette was sitting beside her. The two caught each other's eye and he gave a little wave, smiling politely. Marinette smiled back, shyly. Nervously. All of Nino's inner turmoil seemed to be apparent on her face. Huh. He wondered who she was crushing on. "Look, dude. Alya is right over there. I'll even be your wingman and distract Marinette for you. All you have to do is sit down and talk to her. Ask her out. Flirt a little. You're good at that part, remember?" 

Nino took a long breath. He knew his friend was right, or at least wanted him to be. He looked over at Alya, who had just picked her head up off the table. Her glasses were askew and Marinette went to push them back in place. Her hair was a mess, sticking to her lips. Her lips. 

He sat up straighter. "You know what?" he said, puffing up his chest. "You're right."

"Yeah, I am." 

"I'm gonna do it."

"Yeah, you are! Alright, bro. Imma go and talk to Marinette and then you swoop in for the kill. You got this?"

"I got this." 

"Damn right you do. Go get 'er, tiger." Adrien gave Nino a solid pat on the back and stood, straightening his shirt, not that it needed it. The firm pressing it got that morning had yet to loosen up. He left Nino to pump himself up, bouncing in his seat and pumping his fists. 

"Come on, Al. You're being ridiculous. You know you like him."

Alya had had enough of the little bought of bickering. Obviously, Marinette was right, but she wasn't about to admit it. 

"You're one to talk." 

"What do you mean?"

Adrien walked up to her table with his signature grin. "Hey ladies. How're you doing?"

"Hey, Adrien. Speak of the devil." Alya gave a very pointed look to Marinette, accentuating every letter of the word.

"What devil? We weren't- no. We weren't talking about you. We were talk-" Marinette looked back with vengefulness. Two could play at this game. "We were just talking about Alya. And-"

"Girl, don't you do it."

"-her crush-"

"Girl, I swear to god."

"-on Nino."

"Oh god." Alya's head was back on the table.

"Really?" Adrien smiled with mock surprise. "You have a crush on Nino? I had no idea. Did you have any idea Marinette?"

"It totally wasn't obvious to me, Adrien. Our girl here has a handle on her emotions. She's a steel trap." Adrien had never seen this sassy side of Marinette. He decided he liked it. 

"Hey, Marinette," he said with residual laugh in his voice, "can I talk to you for a sec?"

All confidence melted from Marinette's face like chocolate on a hot day. Alya picked her head up slightly and smiled between her best friend and Adrien, hiding a smile behind her crossed arms. Marinette's eyes shifted back and forth between the teasing grin she knew hid behind those plaid-covered arms and the dreamy boy that was leaning on her table.

"Um- yeah, Adrien. Sure- I mean- yeah. I'd- I'd like that." She stood up a little too quickly and her chair groaned across the floor. Feet tangled, she stumbled slightly as the chair stuck in a crack on the floor and she fell forward, straight into Adrien's waiting arms. This seemed to be a habit. He felt familiar already. 

She propped herself upright and looked up at Adrien. She had almost forgotten how tall he was. Almost. 

He extended a gentlemanly arm to her and they walked to a quieter part of the cafe. He leaned against the wall and she tried to look cool by emulating him. However, she underestimated the extent of the lean and fell shoulder first into the wall, punctuated by a nice crack. 

"Are you okay?" Adrien asked as Marinette winced. 

"Oh, yeah- with you. I mean! Yes! I've had worse." Much worse. She has been punched and slapped and kicked and fallen off buildings and onto other people. But he didn't know that. The worst he had seen happen to her was... 

"I remember." Adrien smiled coyly. Marinette laughed nervously, a dangerous blush creeping across her face. He realized that he enjoyed it more when she was confident. He liked when she was sassy and said what was in her head. She reminded him of Ladybug, sure and funny. 

They shared a moment of silence made awkward by Marinette's fidgeting and Adrien's intense gaze. 

"So..."

Marinette tried to start up a conversation but got cut off by Adrien's eyes. She never really realized how green they were up close. They shimmered in the light coming through the wall of windows of the cafe. They rivaled Chat Noir's in their purity. 

"So..." 

Adrien didn't mind not talking. He liked staring at Marinette almost as much as other raven haired girls. 

The thought shocked him. He shook it away from his mind and stood up straighter. He had one lady, one love. He physically and emotionally did not have enough time in his life for complications in the romantic department. 

"So, I wanted to ask you about Alya."

"Oh." Marinette couldn't say she wasn't disappointed. She looked over to her friend who was watching her own interaction. She gave two thumbs up and a huge smile. 

"Oh?" His smile was back, questioning and pointed. 

"Oh, it's- um... nothi- what about her?"

"Well," he gestured to where Nino was gearing up for something. He bounced in his seat and gave himself what looked to be a painful slap across his own cheek. He rubbed the reddened spot and shook off the pain, though some people who saw the incident giggled. Adrien and Marinette watched him stand and walk boldly over to where Alya was sitting.

"Oh." 

"Yeah."

"Oh! Good for them! Oh my god, that's so exciting! Oh!" Marinette started buzzing excitedly. She bounced on the balls of her feet and her ponytails danced along with her. She watched Nino sit down at Alya's table as Adrien watched Marinette's unbridled enthusiasm for her friend. 

This time, when she was knocked off her feet, it was by no fault of her own. 

The closest an akuma had ever attacked after another had been three days. Neither Ladybug nor Chat Noir had prepared themselves for another attack so quickly after the Painter had caved in the side of their school. 

But Fashionista, the girl who had exploded out of her work at Chanel because her boss had turned her idea down for the last time, the angry and hurt woman who only fantasized about revenge until an akuma poisoned her mind, the girl who's aim now was only destruction, she came without warning. Unfortunately enough for Ladybug and Chat Noir's civilian sides, the cafe they were currently residing in was the frequent spot of Fashionista's boss, and the first spot to be hit by the new akuma. 

The buzzing of Marinette's excitement was mirrored by the gradually building ringing of the akuma as it crept closer. Marinette didn't notice. If she had, she would have known to duck at the moment the glass caved in. Adrien was so distracted by the bouncing ball of energy that took up his world at the moment that he didn't react until the side of the building had buckled onto those in the cafe.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which shit goes down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, broken bones

The ringing in Marinette's ears mixed with hollow, distant laughing and screaming alike. Her vision fazed in and out as she took stock of the situation. Ladybug wiped the unwelcome tears from Marinette's eyes and made her look around. She stood quickly, too quickly, and stumbled over into the rubble of the building. 

She looked down at the hands that supported her and saw them covered in sticky redness. It didn't compute. Ladybug didn't bleed, she persevered through pain. 

Pain.

Her body was swathed in pain; throbbing, searing, aching, piercing pain. 

The ringing in her ears finally subsided enough for her thoughts to take shape. Through her pain, seemingly sourceless, she looked at what once was the cafe. There was rubble everywhere, of all sizes. The particulates from the wreckage hung in the air and covered the entire restaurant in haze. Half of the front window was completely gone, replaced by a mini van suspended by the building it lay on. Every table was knocked over, only a couple of chairs remained upright. Ladybug saw people taking cover behind them, hoping they were sturdy enough to withstand another attack. Others who were much quicker to recover than her jumped around the dusty room to find cover. 

From what? Marinette thought.

From that, Ladybug responded.

Fashionista was tiny. There was no way that she could have caused that much damage alone. And she wouldn't have, if it weren't for the power of the akuma flowing through her, amplifying her own pain and anger. She floated daintily above a crowd of running, screaming people, those pushing either to get pictures and video of the event, or to get the hell out of there. The new akuma was entirely made of purple costume, glowing with sequins and with an oversized sewing needle in her hand. 

She used it like a wand, pointing to objects and throwing them across the quaint square with immense force. Two other buildings had already been shattered, their inhabitants emptied into the streets to run for their lives. A car sat in the wreckage of a bank, a food cart through the window of a hotel. They caused much more damage than they should have, punching holes through brick and concrete. There was no surviving for a lot of people. 

Ladybug could already hear her backup: the sirens of police and ambulances wailed in the distance. They wouldn't make it in time. 

Marinette was horrified, gasped in terror as in pain. She needed to transform immediately. She needed to save these people. 

When she went to take a step, she stumbled, fell again. 

Adrien was suddenly behind her. "Marinette!" It would have been a sweet sound if not surrounded in so much terror. "Are you okay?"

She turned to look at him, tell him she was fine, to go for help.

"Oh, my god. Marinette, you need to sit down." He came closer, hands outstretched like he was approaching a spooked horse. 

Marinette turned back to look at the square. She tried in vain to take another step. This time she screamed with newfound pain. Well, maybe not newfound, but ever increasing.

"Marinette!" She fell backwards, looking up into terrified arms. Adrien helped her to sit down on the rubble. His hands came away red. 

She finally found the time to look down at her body. Her leg was broken. If she didn't realize that from the pain she saw it in the way her leg was twisted in an unnatural angle. The bottom of her shirt was ripped to shreds, large abrasions scraped across her side, leaving her bleeding and sore. She touched her head, felt the cut just above her eye brow. It was small but it was bleeding ferociously. Her head swam. 

"Marinette, can you hear me?" 

She nodded slightly. 

"I need you to lay down. I'm gonna go get help." She could do nothing but comply. She fell to the side for the last time as Adrien ran to get his own form of help as he transformed. He felt guilty leaving Marinette there. He felt terrible. But there were other people who needed him. 

He tried not to think about her; how blood had run into her bright blue eyes and stained the whites an unnatural orange color; how one of her long legs was twisted; how her torso was covered in scrapes and blood covered half her body; how bruises were already building under her smooth skin. There were other people who had it worse. People were dead. 

Chat Noir leapt into the square without a plan in his head. He wasn't a planner; that was the job for his partner. His better half, he would argue. 

Fashionista, who was yelling her own name at passerby, had caused immense damage to almost every building in the square. She flung things around with ease, shot projectiles that killed and destroyed without a second thought. She laughed at the screams she heard and floated gracefully in the middle of the terror she wrought. 

"I am Fashionista, the ultimate designer. You will pay for ignoring me! You will pay for underestimating me! You! Will! Pay!" With each screamed statement she flung another object into a building. A bike here, a mailbox there, a truck wherever. She didn't care. She didn't seem to mind what she threw or where; she didn't have a goal. He had never encountered an akuma before that just wanted to cause destruction. 

He was scared.

Where was Ladybug?

He tried his communicator, seeing if Ladybug would answer him. His only thought was that she was running late. Wherever she was, he needed her here. She didn't answer. 

He looked around in disbelief. There was no way she wasn't here if she didn't answer. He would see her any second, making a cheesy entrance and kicking ass. But he didn't. He sprung into action, working more on instinct than any formal thought. 

"Hey, Drab-onista!" he called. Not his best line, but it got her attention.

"How dare you! You will-"

"Pay? I'm gonna pay? Put your thrift shop jump suit where your mouth is, honey cakes." 

She screamed with rage. He narrowly dodged the car she hurled at him. 

"Meow. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. That explains the color choice." He laughed as she shot an empty stroller at him. It shattered into plastic shards against the brick wall of the building behind him, leaving a sizable dent that shouldn't have been left by the twenty pound hunk of fabric and plastic. She was more powerful than he thought. 

The square was empty now. The people had realized that this akuma was far too dangerous to stick around and take video of. Her temperament and fondness of throwing vehicles was probably where people drew the line. 

He looked back into the cafe where he knew people still cowered. He wondered how Marinette was doing. Hopefully she had stayed where she needed to be. Then he thought about Nino and Alya; they were still there too. Maybe they had found her and gotten her closer to safety. He hoped they were okay. They had to be. 

Where was Ladybug?

Obviously, this girl was not going to tire herself out. They had been going at it for what felt like hours to Chat but was probably ten minutes at most. She was made of pure energy and spite. Defense, biding time, wasn't working. 

Time to go on the offensive, Chat decided. He flicked his staff out and ran toward the akumatized victim, dodging another flying automobile as he came. He almost made it to her when he was blindsided by a mailbox. 

All the wind was knocked out of him as the breath left his body. He flew across the square and slammed into the side of a building. He heard a crack, not sure if it was the building or his bones. When he stood back up, poised for a fight, he felt like his entire body was broken. His fingernails felt sore.

It was time to pull out all the stops. He wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer. 

That's what she said. He laughed to himself. 

"Cataclysm!" He screamed it for good measure, just to make sure she got the point. He rushed her one more time, dodging the objects that flew at him from all sides. He made it as close as possible, went to touch her wand with his miraculous power, when she dodged out of the way, leaving him sprawling out into the square. 

Marinette watched through the shattered window of the cafe as Chat Noir wasted his Cataclysm on a dented trash can. She wanted to cry out for him, tell him it would be alright, but she couldn't seem to find her voice. Alya was screaming behind her. She had never heard her so feral, so unhinged. 

Nino was unconscious beside her. Marinette slowly picked her way through the rubble to the boy who had quickly become a good friend to her. Alya never stopped screaming, calling out Nino's name, trying to decide whether or not she should touch him. 

"Nino! Please wake up Nino! No, you can't do this, please Nino! Wake up!" Alya held her arm to her chest in pain. She must have gotten injured, too, but it didn't matter to her. "Nino!" 

Marinette finally made it to her friends and placed a hand on Alya's cheek, getting the attention of her best friend. Alya looked up, tears streaming through the dust and grime coating her face. She sniffled pathetically when her friend made eye contact.

"Alya. It's going to be okay." She wanted to tell her Ladybug was going to come and save the day, but that wasn't happening this time. And Chat Noir was struggling on his own. 

"I'm scared."

"I know. But look. Nino's breathing." His breath was shaking out of his body painfully. She couldn't see anything else positive in his situation. She forced herself to lie for her friend. "He's alive and he's going to be fine. We're going to get him to the hospital and they're going to patch him up and he's going to be fine." She smiled sympathetically, finding her Ladybug even without the suit. "Okay?"

Alya nodded and stared back down at Nino. 

"Where's Ladybug?"

\----------------------------------------------------

Chat Noir's miraculous was on its last legs. Adrien could feel Plagg struggling to keep the suit on his body, protecting his identity. But Fashionista was still raging. She didn't want to tire out. She seethed with rage, amplified by the akuma swirling through her body. 

Chat's ring beeped for the fourth time. One more and he would be exposed, helpless. 

He ducked behind a car that had been thrown across the square. The engine steamed and the gas line had broken, spilling stinking liquid onto the ground. He had to ignore the imminent danger it caused. 

He pulled out his communicator and tried for the fifth or sixth time to contact Ladybug. She didn't answer. Again.

Adrien looked around himself. There wasn't anyone around him, and he decided it was time to detransform. Plagg spiraled out of his ring and spun into open air.

"Adrien!" he complained.

"What? It's not my fault! I have no support out there." He didn't want to be angry at Ladybug, but he couldn't help it. She had abandoned him without warning to an impossible enemy, right when he needed her most. His body was sore, his ribs felt broken, and every bone groaned as he moved. 

"We need help. I can't do this on my own." Adrien shoved his head in his hands. He felt unwelcome tears leak out of the corner of his eyes. He wiped them away angrily. It wasn't the time to cry, and it hurt to breathe. 

Plagg searched in Adiren's book bag for the stash of Camembert that always left a rotten smell around him. He ate greedily, tired and worn out, trying to get his energy back to start fighting again. 

"Hurry up, Plagg."

"I'm going. I'm going. However much I love Camembert, if you eat it too fast, you can't savor the intricate flavors." Plagg sniffed the piece of cheese slowly.

"Coming from the dude who can eat an entire platter of cheese in under an hour. That's stuff is expensive, you know."

"You can afford it."

"What would you do without me?"

"I'd doubtless be much happier."

Adrien looked ahead of him at the crumbled cafe that he had left his friends in. His protections were failing. He heard another resounding crash behind him.

"Here, kitty kitty kitty!" Fashionista called. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" A bakery truck with a flattened hood exploded against the wall next to him. She was getting close. 

"Come on, Plagg!" Adrien became more and more frantic. 

"One secon-" The car he was hiding behind lifted into the air. Adrien was completely exposed. He hoped no one was watching. 

"Claws out!" Plagg retracted into the miraculous ring. Black leather formed around Chat's body almost instantaneously. It felt good to be back within the protection of Plagg's magic. 

The car that was once his protection now became a weapon used against him as it slammed to the floor. It clipped his ankle and pinned his tailed to the floor. 

"Now I've got you!" Chat pulled as hard as he could at his tail, but it wouldn't budge. 

Fashionista floated above the square, gradually coming closer to where Chat was stuck. She flicked her wand and levitated a truck and two cars above her head. 

"Now I have to admit, it will be hard to pick your miraculous out of the rubble. But I think it'll be worth it." She laughed. It echoed through the square like a scream. She spat her words down to him. "Of all of Hawk Moth's henchmen, could you imagine that it would be little old me to foil the late great Chat Noir. But don't worry, hot stuff. Your girlfriend is close behind." 

"I'm flattered that you think we're dating, but no such luck." Without any other way out of his situation, he yelled for his cataclysm again. 

Just as Fashionista threw the tons of metal and rubber at him, the car disintegrated around his tail and he fled out of the way. 

He looked back just in time to see the three massive vehicles crash into the cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love cliffhangers. I'm sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I am sad and Chat is sad and everyone is sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, broken bones

The sirens of police and ambulances made it just outside the range of the akuma. In case of attack, they were instructed not to approach the situation. That was left to the professionals. Ladybug and Chat Noir.

They weren't supposed to fight the akuma, but that didn't mean they couldn't help. They were the people who helped before the akuma was purified. They were heroes. 

Chat Noir didn't feel like a hero. He felt empty and filled to the brim. His stomach dropped and his heart stuck in his throat. He wanted to puke and his head floated above him. His entire world had just been ripped from him. It couldn't have happened. Not to him. 

Alya. The girl who always kept a smile on her face, always had a word of support. She was so positive and free spirited and caring. He barely had time to become friends with her, but he had so many memories with her. Mostly of her making him feel better. 

Nino. His best friend since he started public school. They had come together so easily, they just started talking. He never cared that he was a famous model, never cared about the screaming girls that followed him when they went out. He was just his best friend who stood up for him and loved him unconditionally. 

Marinette. 

She shouldn't have died.

All three of his friends had died.

Fashionista was laughing so hard it felt like a scream. Chat Noir looked up at her through tear-laced eye lashes. His vision was blurry until he wiped away the wetness with the back of his hand. 

The newest villain stared down at him. "Aw. Did I hurt the pussycat's feelings?"

Chat forced himself to stand straight. His body shook with new rage, his hands clenched by his sides. There were no more tears. He knew he had to destroy the akuma. This had to end before more people got hurt. 

He shook all other thoughts from his head. He no longer cared about himself, if he ever did. He didn't have a partner to look out for. No one else was in the square to hurt. He had no more restrictions. 

"You've made a mistake, Hawk Moth."

He didn't know if the villain could hear him, but he wanted him to feel his rage.

"You have no idea what you've just done."

Chat didn't feel himself move across the square or fling himself into his floating foe. He didn't see his claws sink into her flesh nor did he hear her screams of pain. He didn't feel himself fall with her to the ground.

He had no idea where the akuma was, where he should start. Without thinking, he started ripping at the akuma. He slashed the rhinestones that studded her costume, the belt across her waist, the hat that somehow stayed on her head despite her fall.

Akumas didn't bleed, but the vessel started to. He barely noticed as the wet warmth on his fingers started to splash at his face. 

His mind went completely blank then. He didn't realize what he was doing anymore. Everything that occupied his attention was this damn akuma that killed his friends. His sweet, amazing friends that helped him and protected him and made him sane when he had to deal with his father, modeling, school, being Chat Noir. Except they didn't know who he was, because that's how he protected them. If Hawk Moth knew who he was, who he was friends with, they would be used against him. Tortured, killed, held captive and scared. 

But none of that mattered now because they were dead. He couldn't protect them anymore. 

But he could avenge them.

"Chat Noir!"

Something faded into his mind. He felt his mind trying to take him to the surface, to stop him. He forced his head back down. He had to make this creature feel the same pain he was feeling.

"Chat!"

He shook his head and took a breath. His hands were covered in blood. He felt it seeping into his skin, staining him. He could feel his heartbeat hammering in his chest, breaking his ribs. 

He raised a hand above his head, poised to strike down again. 

"Chat Noir! Please stop!" 

His breath returned to his body in gasps. He could see again, feel again, hear the echoing cries of the girl who saved him. 

He took several long, heaving breaths and sat back from the akuma he had pounced on. Her head lolled to one side, tears streaked clear through the red on her cheeks. The breath escaping through her lips echoed his in its shallow gasps. His reddened hands were covered in the same substance she was. 

It suddenly hit him. He reeled back, skittering across the sidewalk, washing the ground in red handprints. The pounding in his chest hurt almost as much as his labored, hitching breathing. 

His vision skipped from the body on the ground to the little girl who had stopped him. Her entire body shook harder than his, her eyes wide with what she had just witnessed. The gloves covering his hands stiffened as the blood that was soaked into them hardened and dried. 

As his heart rate came down to an easier tempo, Chat stood and walked to where Fashionista had dropped her wand. The sickly purple and silver stick broke easily under his grip and the butterfly akuma squeezed itself from the crack.

Of course it had been the wand. He knew it almost from the moment he saw her. All he had to do was bat it away from her hand, crush it, and be done. Nobody would have died. He would have been the hero. 

But now, looking into the eyes of the little girl who had knocked him out of his trance... 

He took a step toward her to ask her where her parents were. Was she okay? Was she hurt? Lost? 

Instinctively, she took a step backward, away from him. 

He looked down at the hands covered in blood, the haze still lingering in his vision and blurring his sight. He retracted his hand to his chest. The little girl visibly relaxed but there were still tears brimming in her eyes. 

"What did you do?" Shoulders shaking, she revved up to cry again. 

Chat looked away from her, unable to see what he had caused. He was so stupid. Why did he think he could do this on his own? Why had his Lady not come? 

He saw the purple akuma flitting around, trying to find its next victim, but there was no one to be found. Chat was sure that his devastation and guilt were enough to power hundreds of akumas and their wrath, but it didn't touch him. The little girl was terrified and heartbroken that a famous hero had done... this. But still the tiny monster spun in circles. 

Chat Noir approached it. What was it doing? he thought. He had never seen an akuma without a vessel for longer than the time it took for Ladybug to purify it. This one looked utterly lost. Chat found himself feeling badly for it. He wanted to reach out to it. 

As he was about to touch it, it started moving away. He didn't know where. He didn't really care. His miraculous was beeping and his cover was about to be blown. It was time to leave the fate of the world, for the first time, in the hands of the people who were truly heroes.

\----------------------------------------

Getting out of the cafe was the hardest thing Marinette had ever had to do. Her entire body ached, but there was no other choice. There was a dangerous akuma raging outside and the only way out before they were killed was through a small opening in a fallen wall. 

Nino had to be dragged out first. He was unconscious still and was turning white, be that by the settling ash or some internal bleeding no one knew. They had to get him out before he was unable to be resuscitated. 

Alya was inconsolable. The strong, beautiful girl had nearly washed away all the dirt on her face by the amount of water that flowed down her cheeks. She came out of the cafe with Nino, refusing to leave his side. They were immediately escorted to the nearest hospital by ambulance. 

Alya texted Marinette seconds after they got into the ambulance. 

'We're okay. Everything's going to be okay. I love you.'

The texting style was nothing like her, but Marinette appreciated the effort. She clutched her phone to her chest in hopes that there would be more correspondence, more updates on Nino's condition. 

Marinette stayed behind until everyone was out of the cafe. Every barista, every customer came before her. One rather large man almost fought her until she shoved him through the small opening into the protective force of firemen and paramedics. The small girl summoned all the strength she had to pull herself out of the rubble. 

She felt her foot snag on a piece of rock. The scream that ripped through the restaurant was echoed by that of Fashionista in the square. She listened through the pain in her leg. It wasn't a scream, she decided, but a laugh. 

"Of all of Hawk Moth's henchmen..." she heard through layers of rubble and her own pain. Through the dusty window in the front of the cafe, she could see Chat Noir pinned next to a car. He looked terrified. 

Well, to anyone else, he would look determined. But Ladybug knew her partner inside and out. She saw the vice grip he had on his staff, the shifting eyes. In battle, he was loose and flowing, he focused solely on his enemy without wavering. 

"...would be little old me to foil the late great Chat Noir." Her words were sharp as ice, what little of it Marinette could make out. She was scared for him. This akuma - this monster - was a harder adversary than they've ever had to defeat together. And she wasn't there for him. 

Shamefully, face red with guilt and strain, Marinette inched farther out of harm's way. Her leg screamed in pain, her torso rippled with soon-to-be-scars. She needed to leave before someone got seriously hurt. She needed to transform. 

Using her unhurt leg, she pushed herself through the opening until she could barely see Chat Noir anymore. He just needed to wait one more minute and she would be there, broken leg or not. 

"There's one more!" someone behind her shouted just as Fashionista yelled something brutal and incoherent. Chat Noir yelled something back, but she couldn't make it out. 

A burly man gripped her from under her arms as best they could without hurting her. She kept an eye out on Chat Noir and caught the last glimpses of him being crushed by three cars as she was pulled to safety. 

When someone is in a traumatic situation or had a major injury, you are not supposed to let them see the injury for fear that they will go into shock. Marinette had been running on adrenaline and worry for what felt like hours. But shock was a good word to describe how she felt at that moment. She hadn't been prevented from seeing what she had feared most. 

Her body was broken. It had been for an hour now, she had somehow gotten used to the feeling. The blood on her face had dried tightly and began to chip off, the ripped fabric of her shirt stuck to the scrapes on her sides. When she moved the fabric pulled at quickly forming scabs and she could practically see the broken bone in her leg. 

This shock was different. Her best friend, the only person who actually knew who she was when she was Ladybug, the flirt, the tease, her confidant in all things. He was gone now. Got crushed by tons of metal and shards of glass. 

She felt her heart break into pieces smaller than those that shattered from the cafe ceiling. The same muscular arms that pulled her from her prison carried her to an ambulance with flashing lights and harried people.

Other places were still being evacuated, the threat still very real. There was one thing that no one wanted to test: if you died by akuma attack, does the Ladybug's healing power reverse it? She hoped with every crumbling hope she had that it did. 

She was strong enough for two people. Ladybug and Marinette would breathe life back into Chat Noir, and he would live again. He would tease and flirt with her, save people's lives, and sit with her at the end of a long patrol and sing silly songs, talk for hours, become close. 

He would live because he deserved to. She would see to that. 

As she was treated in her ambulance by paramedics with skillful hands, she sat hollowly and planned. This is what she did. She was the planner, the quick thinker. Chat was the executer, the instinct, the guts. That's why they worked so well together. And that's why none of her plans worked.

Every time she saw how to beat this akuma, Chat Noir was flying in to swing a punch. He was there to block a blow. He was there to give a witty pun at the expense of their newest enemy. She would snap her yo-yo this way and that and he would extend his staff to protect her. They worked perfectly together, and now it was done. 

It took the paramedics twenty minutes to wipe the dirt and grime from her face so they could see her injury. There was a small gash above her eyebrow, not deep. It didn't even need stitches, just a dab of antibiotics and a small bandage. Marinette tuned out all of the business around her, not feeling the harsh wipes the inexperienced paramedic made to her wounds with stinging antibiotics. 

When they uncovered the scratches on her abdomen, there was little damage. She would be bruised for weeks, no doubt, but the abrasions were minor. Her only major injury turned out to be a broken leg. She would need to go to the hospital to get an X-Ray to discover the extent of the break. Her head injury might have caused a concussion, so she would have to stay a night for observation. 

Marinette called her mother on her way to the hospital.

"Hello? Marinette are you okay? I heard there was an attack-"

"I'm alright, mom. I have a broken leg but I'm with the paramedics and they gave me some medicine."

"A broken leg?! I'm coming to get you. Where are you?"

"No, mom! Don't come here, it's too dangerous. I'm gonna get a ride to the hospital. Meet me there, okay?"

"Okay." Marinette could hear her mother rustling around through the phone. There was a jingle of keys, the flutter of fabric, the opening of a door. "Are you alright? Not your injuries, but are you...? Okay?"

Marinette's voice was dry and colorless. She didn't sound anything like herself; her mother knew her well enough to hear it. "Yeah, I was just scared. I'm still scared. This akuma is really powerful. People are gonna get hurt." People have already gotten hurt. Her stomach clenched tightly as they went over a speed bump. "I love you."

"I love you. I'll see you in a half hour."

"I'll see you. Bye." Marinette didn't want to hang up. Her mother felt like a life line just then, her only connection to a world that wasn't crazy where Chat Noir wasn't dead.

"Goodbye, my love. Be careful."

"You, too."

She forced herself to hang up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes. Wow. I'm sorry.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone is depressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who has two thumbs and loves angst?
> 
> This gal!
> 
> Also, I know that in canon only the person who was originally akumatized can be reakumatized by the same butterfly, but we're just gonna pretend that isn't real. Bare with me.

Chat Noir had defeated the akuma. But it hadn't been purified and he had no idea what that meant. He knew it would multiply. The knew the fallout would be enormous. He didn't really care, though. 

After the battle, he transformed back into Adrien and dragged himself home. No one was to be found at his house, his phone's message box was empty. Nobody cared about Adrien Agreste at that moment. It was at no fault of Natalie. 

Adrien had gotten much better at sneaking out of his house, so she had no idea where he was. She must have thought he was using short amount of free time after school to catch up on homework in his room, not fight a deadly akuma. 

He fought his body out of his clothes and into his bathroom. The full length mirror covering the back of his door reflected back at him hollow eyes and cheeks, bloody hands and a face dotted with red. Bruises quickly covered the entirety of his back, spreading up his neck and around his waist. He no longer looked human, nor did he feel it. He was a monster and he deserved to look like it. 

Plagg didn't say anything to him. Adrien guessed he was as shocked as his chosen was at the events of the day. He must have been so ashamed of him, using his powers to hurt someone instead of help them. Even the symbol of bad luck had empathy. 

The shower water drenching him slowly faded from maroon to red and pink to clear. He ignored the scorching heat of the water because he deserved the pain. He didn't deserve to be this well off, with just a couple of bruises and a scrape or two. He deserved to be hurt and tortured like so many other people today. 

When he crawled out of the shower, he climbed straight into bed without drying off or putting on clothes. He simply did not have the energy to be awake anymore. 

Hours later, maybe days, Plagg floated over to his chosen. 

"You know, I'm not really into the whole emotions of a teenager thing, but I feel like we should talk."

"Not now, Plagg." Adrien shoved his head under a pile of pillows, muffling the sounds of his kwami. Unfortunately, Plagg had other plans and was able to merge through the pillows and appear directly in front of Adrien despite the barrier.

"Actually, yes now. Look Adrien, I'm not gonna tell you that this doesn't suck, because it does. But you have to get through it because it's not the last time it's going to happen to you. Being Chat - being a hero-"

"I'm not a hero. Not today." He felt tears seep into his eyes. He didn't want to have to deal with them, but there was no getting around them. They dripped into the pillows surrounding his head and soaked the fabric. He watched the wetness create little dots of darkness on the pillowcase. 

"Yes. You are. You have always been a hero, and you always will, as long as you fight evil. There's no getting around hurting people. My third Chat had to burn down a building full of people to stop an enemy nowhere as powerful as the one you just fought. She felt terrible, but it was the only way she could save the people who needed her." He said it frankly, without inflection or emotion, like he was stating simple facts, not an entire past that Adrien had always wanted to learn about.

The little black kwami fled backwards from the pillows Adrien flung from his head. "You've had Chats who were girls?" 

"Yes, Adrien. I'm drawn to the worthy, no matter what form they may take." 

Adrien thought of it, a female Chat. Someone with the same powers as he did, the same feeling of destruction flowing through him as he summoned his cataclysm, the same shame of hurting people who didn't deserve it. He wished he could talk to her, share their experiences. Get advice.

"But that's not the point. The point is, being a hero, because that's what you are, Adrien, is hard. People are going to get hurt, no matter how much you want to protect them, no matter how powerful you are. I've seen it repeat itself hundreds of times. It hurts." A drop of emotion mixed in with his casual tone. The little kwami's ears drooped slightly and he floated closer to the bed. 

Adrien thought about everything that Plagg had to have seen. Countless opponents, hundreds and thousands of villains to defeat. He had only little experience fighting, but Plagg... he was made for this, to fight and protect. Adrien could barely imagine living day in and out to do one thing. He felt bad for the little kwami. 

"I should know, I've been there for all of them. It hurts, Adrien, but you have to get through it." 

Adrien felt a surge of anger flow through him and heated tears sprang to his eyes. Plagg had the audacity to tell him to get over it. This weight was crushing him. His chest was filled with heartache and sadness. He could barely breathe, yet he wanted to scream at the same time. He was drowning privately in his own bubble and Plagg was completely oblivious to it. It was like he wanted him to roll over and take it, not mourn for his friends or care about anyone. 

"That's easy for you to say. All you care about is cheese." 

He regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. He loved Plagg, and the last thing he needed to do was lose another friend. "Plagg, I'm so-"

"No. I get it. Because I don't show my emotions it feels like I don't have any. It's fine Adrien. It's time for patrol."

"Plagg-"

"No, Adrien. You were right. Now's not the time to be talking about this. It's still too raw."

The kwami fled into Adrien's ring, enveloping him in soft black leather and protective padding. Adrien laid back on his bed. 

He had made a mess of everything. His friends were gone, his kwami angry with him, his father constantly disappointed, Ladybug had disappeared and was not to be found. Even his time as a superhero, the one release he had, had been taken over by crushing depression. 

He had to get out of his bed. No matter what had happened that day, there were still people who needed him. He hoped they weren't putting their hopes into the wrong person. He had to prove to them that he was still worth something.

He dragged himself upright, every inch of his body aching from the battle. It was much easier to sneak out of his window with the power of Plagg behind him. He sprung out into the city to start his patrol. 

\-------------------------------------

It was harder than Marinette expected to sneak out of the hospital for patrol, but she was determined. She was fortunate to have a heavy sleeper as a roommate and to only have hourly check ups instead of every fifteen minutes like she knew Nino had. Alya had received her own room a floor away from him, but she visited at every chance, sometimes sneaking across the hallway into the elevator or up the stairs, ignoring the pain in her bruised hip and broken wrist. 

Marinette only managed to escape by transforming in the hospital and swinging from her window. Her leg screamed as she ran across roofs and jumped off buildings, no longer having a cast to support it after the transformation. She shouldn't be putting any weight on it, letting alone running on it, but sheer force of will powered her through. She had to be back in her room within an hour, but she had already neglected her duties that day enough. Her responsibility to the city had already been breached and her anger flared with every painful step. 

She quickly ran through the first hour of her patrol. They didn't really have a route, they just spent the early evenings making sure their people were safe. 

It was just her now. 

She shook the thought from her head and reminded herself why she was out that night. The akuma was still out there, and if it wasn't purified, it would do more damage. It was the most powerful akuma she had ever seen, and without a vessel it was infinitely harder to track. The tiny purple wings would blend into the quickly approaching night. 

She refused to give up. Only after forty five minutes of searching did Tikki give her a small beep to remind her that she was due elsewhere. 

This was going to be a long night. 

She swung back into her hospital room through the waiting window and settled into bed as her nurse came in to check on her. 

Her heart still pounded from her night run and her monitor was beeping faster than it should have. 

The nurse came over to check the monitor to see why it was moving so fast. Marinette's eyes were closed but she felt and heard the nurse walk around her bed, tap some buttons. She thought quickly and began moving harriedly. She thrashed her head back and forth like she was having a nightmare, moved her arms slightly and twitched her legs. 

The nurse gave a little sigh and placed a cool hand on Marinette's sweating forehead. 

"Poor girl. I promise it gets better. Just give it some time." She took her hand away and walked quietly out of the room, shutting the door softly behind her. 

Marinette opened her eyes and wiped her forehead of the small amount of sweat that still remained. Tikki floated over to her and sat on the girl's knee. 

"She's right, you know."

Marinette sat up so Tikki had to readjust. "What do you mean?"

"It's gonna feel bad for a while, but you'll feel it get better."

"But it still happened. He's dead, Tikki, and it's my fault. I have to do something about it." She stood up and, before Tikki had time to respond, summoned the kwami into her miraculous. 

She swung out the window faster this time. Her hard landing on the next roof caused a thread of white hot pain to pulse through her. A little yelp was strangled in her throat and she refused to allow herself to develop tears. 

She ran from the hospital as fast as she could, searching high and low for the akuma. It could be anywhere by now, infecting the mind and body of another innocent person. 

The second portion of her patrol was as fruitless as the first. Nothing was happening that night. Usually there were petty thefts or public disturbances that she broke up before they were even called in to the police. No crime was too small. But after this latest akuma attack, the city was at a stand still. It felt as if everyone were holding their breath and waiting for something terrible to happen. 

The same nurse met her in her room as she slipped under the covers, feeling her warm forehead as she thrashed under her covers. Her leg was sore from her adventures in solo akuma hunting and her ribs throbbed. She looked under the covers at the slowly increasing size of the stain on her bandages.

"You should really take it easy, Marinette. You're still hurt." 

Ladybug was swinging from the window seconds later. She took another route from the hospital, going across the river and back. The next route was south, then south west. Five times she traveled out and came back in at the nick of time. Every time she became more and more exhausted and aggravated. 

The sixth time she ran from her room, the moon was beginning its descent into the horizon. Marinette had dark circles under her eyes that she ignored as much as the agonizing ache from her leg. 

She swung into a high apartment building and perched herself on the edge, looking down. The city of lights was true to its name, and she could see for miles in every direction, but everything seemed so quiet. Even at the late hour, even on a week night, there was always noise. This silence that settled over the city was unsettling. 

A gust of wind hit her out of nowhere and she stumbled to the side. As she caught herself on the side of the building, she heard the soft flapping of wings. 

Her head flung around toward the noise. 

She could just make out the last bit of an akuma wing as it ducked beneath the edge of the building and out of her line of sight. Her breath caught. Could it really be that close?

Ladybug sprung into action, chasing down the tiny bug. She dropped down into the alley way the akuma had slipped into and landed with a hard thump. She breathed harshly through the pain and ran to where she thought she heard the akuma go. Her heart beat ferociously in her chest, reminding her of the pain in her ribs.

The alley was long as it weaved through several complexes of apartments and behind local cafes with large dumpsters that smelled of rot. She avoided stepping into large puddles of water and garbage that filled the alleyway.

Tikki gave her a beep. It was time to leave, but the akuma was right there. Marinette ignored the warning and kept running. Again, she saw the last second of a wing disappear behind the building in front of her, heard the flapping. 

She was getting close. 

Her feet edged her farther and faster, determined to find the bug that had caused such damage. She turned a corner and ran into the wall that marked the end of the alley. A dead end. She looked up and used her yo-yo to bring herself to the roof. 

Looking out across the barren roof, she knew she had lost it, if it had even been there to begin with. There was no way that the little butterfly could have flown across the giant roof that stretched before her without her seeing it flapping its sickly purple wings. 

Had she imagined it? Or had it disappeared?

She looked into the sky, looked behind her, back down into the alley. Where had it gone? It had been right there!

Tikki had a gentle beep into her ear. Marinette screamed. This was ridiculous. 

She should have been there and none of this would have happened. She kicked at the roof with her good leg and shouted angrily. 

This. 

Wasn't. 

Fair. 

She screamed again at the silent night and heard it echo back to her. The angry tears that slipped from under her mask were hit away by equally angry hands. 

She ranted until she tired herself out. She was so tired. 

Her walk back was quiet and painful. The pain caused her to limp across roofs. She resigned herself to swinging instead of walking and made it to the hospital within seconds of her nurse coming in. 

After a quick detransformation, Tikki disappeared into her bag and Marinette was left standing by the window, looking into the room. Her giant cast cupped her leg heavily. She hated the weight. Her nurse looked at her with pity.

"What're you doing out of bed?" She approached her slowly with a kind smile across the tired face. The sun was turning the horizon beautiful colors that Marinette would have appreciated in other circumstances.

"I couldn't sleep." It was true. Marinette walked to her bed and crossed her legs as best she could with the cast blocking her way. 

"Nightmares?" The nurse thought she knew what Marinette was going through, but the reality was much more. 

"Something like that." The sheets and blankets were rough and cheap but warm and comforting as they covered Marinette's exhausted body. "I think I'm ready to go back to bed now though." 

"That's good. I'll see you when you wake up, okay Marinette?" The nurse was so kind to her. Marinette wished she could have appreciated her more, but she could only summon a gruff sigh and the closing of her eyes. After hours of endless patrols, Marinette finally let herself rest.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Adrien hears some good news and Marinette Suffers.

Adrien slept longer than he ever had. Businesses were closed the next day in respect for those who had passed. Flags were at half mast. Officials declined the releasing of names or the count of the dead, but Adrien knew all he needed.

He woke up around eleven and slowly pulled clothes onto his sore body. His back had turned green and purple, ringed in black and puncuated with speckles of yellow. He looked like the Starry Night painting. 

His breakfast was his favorite; sausage and green pepper omelette with potato wedges and loads of ketchup. Natalie was trying to cheer him up, but the food tasted like ash in his mouth. He only got through about half of it before he pushed the plate away and sat back in his chair at the head of an empty table. He kept trying in vain to take small bites, maybe a sip or two of coffee, but the more he tried the harder it got to chew.

Natalie's heels clicked through the hall into the dining room. She held her clipboard more tensely than usual, as if she were nervous. She had no reason to be, but he didn't know anyone who really knew how to act in this situation. 

"Good morning, Natalie." This seemed to work. She kicked into automatic and began reciting his schedule for the day. It was surprisingly, blissfully empty.

"Good morning, Adrien. Today at three you have a haircut followed by a quick consultation with your father about your photo shoot tomorrow. Your piano lessons have been canceled today. As have fencing lessons and Chinese."

Adrien looked up from his half full plate of food. "That's it?"

Natalie began flipping through her clipboard in vain. "The city is at a standstill, Adrien. No one is really sure how to react; half the stores are closed; people are in mourning; the square that was attacked is swarming with volunteers trying to clean up the mess. This was a big day." The usually calm, yet official voice of Natalie's was tainted by the still resolution that hovered over everything in Paris.

Adrien picked at his food some more. He was suddenly struck by a question he had never thought to ask her. "What about your family, Natalie?"

"My family?" She shuffled through her papers and scratched at her chin with the end of her pen. It took her a while to answer, memories of her family clouded over with years of dust. She didn't know how to formulate an answer. "My family... well, they died in the first akuma attack. I was very young, and-"

A long pause. Natalie shook her head and resumed her professional stature.

"This is inappropriate, Adrien, I shouldn't be talking about this."

"I'm sorry, Natalie, I-"

"You have messages. Agreste International is holding a press conference in three days about their outreach programs and your father would like you to attend. You won't be answering questions, but he thought a youthful face would help the message spread. The hospital called." Adrien usually tuned these messages out. They were unimportant details that his father insisted he remember to make his career go farther. They did nothing for Adrien, until Natalie continued. "They claimed a Nino was asking for you. Professor Bustier suggests-" 

"Nino? Did you say Nino?" Unbelieving relief crept up from Adrien's toes to his chest. He felt his heart hold onto its beats, he stopped breathing. His world swirled with questions and confusion, piecing the previous day together into a picture that involved his friends surviving. Nino survived. 

"Yes, Adrien."

"He's at the hospital?" Adrien was out of his seat and out the door before she could respond. "Call the car!" he shouted over his shoulder as he ran for the door. 

He could barely wait. He started walking toward the hospital even before the car pulled up next to him, trying to put as little distance between him and his best friend as possible. 

Nino was alive? 

He was awake and breathing and blinking and laughing and asking for him, of all people. Adrien laughed to himself and told his driver to move as fast as he could through the Parisian traffic. 

The hospital could not come soon enough. He could see the tall facade a mile away, but it approached devastatingly slowly. Adrien felt the need to duck out of the cab and sprint the rest of the way there. He wanted to transform into Chat Noir and vault over buildings and through windows until he could find Nino.

The car wasn't even close to stopping as the back door opened and Adrien bolted from the vehicle. The automatic doors were too slow and he almost ran straight into the glass. A small line waited for him at the front desk, and he buzzed quietly as it shortened until he reached the front. Others in the waiting room sat quietly and watched TV or played on their phones, but nobody noticed that the famous Adrien Agreste was panting softly in line to see someone he thought was dead. 

They exchanged information at the desk and Adrien scribbled his name on a tag as he walked toward the elevator, tossing the pen back into the cup as he went. The elevator came too slow, so he took the stairs three at a time until he reached the fifth floor. He didn't feel the effects of the climb, all he could feel was his heart thumping in his chest and blood cascading past his ears.

Nino was sitting up in his bed, eating a late breakfast on a tray that hovered over his lap. Adrien didn't bother knocking on the door, despite the other family gathered around the second patient in the room. 

"Nino!" He rushed across the room and wrapped his best friend as tightly as he could. Happy tears slipped through his eyes but he didn't bother to blink them away. Pure joy and relief poured through him, filling every part of his body with lightness. He could have flown at that moment, he felt like Chat Noir jumping from the Eiffel Tower; weightless. 

"Dude. You're crushing me." Nino sounded just as happy. Adrien let go so he wouldn't hurt him. His hands fluttered over Nino's form, trying to take in everything he could. His arm was in a cast, his face had a little bandage on it, but his lower half was covered up. There could be more damage that he wasn't seeing, but Nino was alive and breathing and that's all that mattered. 

"Nino. Bro." That's all that wanted to come out. 

"Hey, bro. How's it hanging?" Nino's smile was light as always. Adrien wrapped his arms around him, gently this time, with ginger movements and soft touches. He didn't want to ruin this moment. 

"I thought you were dead." Adrien wasn't really sure himself whether he had spoken the words or not, but Nino heard them. 

"I thought I was, too. It was close, man." Nino pulled back with tears in his eyes. "But it takes more than a little akuma to take this guy down." Nino flexed his arms, showing off surprisingly defined muscles for a kid who spent his days playing video games and eating Cheetos. The sudden movement pulled something in his side and he keeled over, laughing despite the pain. 

"Dude, don't do that." Adrien punched him lightly on the arm. "I realize your self esteem must be very low at the moment but there's no girls here to impress right now." They shared wide smiles. 

That reminded Adrien. "Speaking of which, that was some explosive conversation you had with Alya, huh?" Adrien waggled his eyebrows. "You guys definitely had a... spark." 

"There was like one explosion yesterday and it was tiny. There's no use making a pun out of the least climactic part of the afternoon."

"Ah, man. You're crushing me. Really puts a dent in my ego."

"Your ego is fine. I believe the phrase is 'Too big to fail'." Nino flicked an olive from his salad at Adrien, who reacted with exaggerated offense. 

"Why, I never." Adrien picked up a piece of lettuce and slapped it across Nino's arm. 

"You really wanna go?" Nino tried to sound intimidating but his childish giggles got in the way. "You really wanna play with this?" He flexed again and turned around to grab one of his pillows. The soft cushion bounced off of Adrien's back and fell onto the floor. He ignored the deep ache of the bruises on his back exacerbated by the blow.

"I think I can handle whatever it is you got, buddy." 

"Gaaay." 

The two boys turns to see Alya standing in the doorway. Her hip was cocked to the side, arms crossed low over her chest, and her hair was up in a messy bun. She was in a dressing gown like Nino's, but hers was an unflattering blue with fish instead of Nino's green with dinosaurs. She had a brace around her wrist instead of a cast. She hadn't broken it, but it was badly sprained, and her concussion made the doctors stay the night for observation.The dark circles under her eyes were badly covered under dollar store makeup, but she looked hot. She always looked hot, Nino found himself thinking. Even when throwing playful jabs as to the nature of his and Adrien's relationship. 

"I take personal offense. Adrien is no where near cute enough to be in a relationship with me." Alya moved from the doorway and picked up the pillow, handing it to Nino. "I know some other contenders for my heart, though." 

Alya didn't want to admit that her stomach fluttered at the insinuation. She wanted to be calm and collected around him, but her hormones had other plans. She tried to hide a blush under a wry smile. "Oh yeah? Who might that be?"

Adrien laughed at their flirting. They must know they were acting like love sick fools, but still they managed to not be together. He watched them back and forth, and he all but disappeared from the room. It was just them and their incessant giggles and looks. 

"Oh, I have troops of girls falling at my feet, just begging to be with me."

"Is that so? Doesn't that get a little tiresome? A little lonely?"

"You have no idea. I had to fake my own death to get away from them. How'd you think I ended up here?"

"Well, it sounds like you're gonna need some company, huh?" Adrien started to get a little uncomfortable. "I wonder if any of those girls from your fan club would volunteer."

"They don't interest me. Unfortunately for them, I've got my eyes set on another."

"Oh?"

"Indeed, but I dare not tell the girls. What would they think of me then?" Adrien started blushing, fidgeting. Alya leaned over the side of the bed, inches away from Nino. 

"What does it matter? You could argue all that matters is you and the apple of your eye."

"I know that's all I care about." 

Adrien stood up. 

"Awesome. You know what? I'm gonna let you guys catch up, and I'm gonna go." He pointed to the door cartoonishly and sidestepped from the room. Alya and Nino barely noticed the interruption. He looked back at them as he exited the room and shook his head. They might actually have figured it out this time.

He smiled broadly as he exited the hospital, knowing is best friend was safe.

\-----------------

When Marinette woke up, her first thought was to question whether or not she had dreamed up the accident.

The day before had been chaotic and messy and all a blur to her. She still couldn't quite remember half of it. The news reports on the TV confirmed her suspicion. They had finally released the official information the afternoon after the attack.

Six dead. 

Hundreds injured.

The hospital was packed. Though her doctors wanted her to stay under observation, there simply wasn't enough room for a minor injury such as hers. 

That hurt to hear. A broken bone and a concussion were minor.

Minor compared to broken ribs and punctured organs. Collapsed lungs and smoke inhalation. Minor compared to amputated limbs and death.

Her roommate was to be checked out that day as well. She had a fractured rib that had to heal on its own. A building fell on her and she was alive, but her brother was still in critical condition, she told Marinette. He had been visiting for the weekend and had just arrived from the airport. They were getting lunch from a nearby grocery store when the attack started. 

He received a fractured skull, broken spine, and amputated left foot. And he still wasn't out of the woods yet. He could very well be paralyzed for the rest of his life, but he wasn't awake to test that hypothesis. 

Marinette's heart squeezed with every new piece of information her roommate told her. She could have saved him. 

"I'm sorry," she said, almost too quiet to hear.

The older woman looked Marinette up and and down as she nodded, then turned back to the TV. They watched soap operas until Marinette got checked out at eleven. 

Her parents came up to her room and they escorted her out in a wheel chair. At the door of her room, the woman called out to her.

"Hey, girlie!" Marinette turned, but her parents walked in with the nurse to discuss paperwork. "Your secret's safe with me, Ladybug." 

The woman's wink followed her out of the hospital, onto the street, into her car, until her dinner that night. She couldn't breathe the entire time. 

That woman knew her secret.

How could she have been so stupid? 

The transformation was no small feat. The light alone was enough to wake any normal human, let alone Marinette fumbling through the window every hour. 

Her roommate, the older woman who she was so sure was asleep, knew she was Ladybug. Because she had been naive and stupid. Of course Marinette had woken her up. Of course she had seen her transform. 

And she would tell, too, if she needed to. Why wouldn't she? Her brother was dying as they spoke. Without Ladybug, countless people were in the hospital and grieving. An entire city at a stand still.

She sat quietly throughout the rest of the day, deftly going through her daily routine with the new addition of a massive cast wrapping her leg. She quickly became annoyed with its weight, the constant reminder of the damage that had been wrought. 

Six dead.

Hundreds injured.

People were already speaking out against Ladybug, and others were speaking out against them. 

Some claimed that she had led them to believe they would be safe until her job became too hard for her, then she had bailed. Or that she no longer cared for the people of Paris enough to risk her life for them. 

Those on her side claimed this was ludicrous, that Ladybug had left Chat to fight akumas on his own before, but they had never been this powerful. She would always care for them and their safety. 

An honest mistake. A mass murder. 

A loving hero. A masked villain. 

That was the worst theory: she had been working for Hawk Moth. Somehow she had been recruited to his side and was trying to kill Chat and steal his miraculous. Some said that Fashionista was Ladybug's civilian akuma. 

The evidence was there, apparently. Instead of killing every akuma, she cleansed them and set them free, back to their master. Back to be reused and to try again. She even spoke to them like they were her friends. "They need our help," she remembered saying about the akumas when Alya had claimed they were villains. That was enough for people to suspect she was something she wasn't. Something evil. 

She couldn't stand listening to the news, but she let it play in the background. 

"The week's biggest question: Where is Ladybug?" the serious newscaster asked, staring down the camera. "The Parisian superhero hasn't been seen in over three days, begging the ques..."

She resigned herself to play video games for the next year and a half, until everyone had forgotten that Ladybug existed and she could crawl out of her hibernation refreshed and unimpeded by other's expectations. Sighing, she sat quietly on her chaise lounge, staring at her ceiling, the wrinkled poster of Adrien she had yet to replace. 

She couldn't abandon her people, especially not now. 

The anchorwoman reminded her of the press conference two days from then with Chat Nor and Ladybug. 

"What can we expect to see from her? Or, more importantly, can we expect to see her at all?"

She had all but forgotten about it, but now she dreaded it. 

What was she expected to say now, after all that had happened? There were people who hated her, were scared of her, and she had no way to comfort them. She couldn't tell them the truth. All the names of those taken to the hospital were on record. People could deduce who she was in minutes. So what could she say?

'Sorry, guys. I just really wasn't feeling up to it today, so I let Chat get his ass handed to him.'

Or

'I had it all under control, I just wanted to see what this new akuma could do.'

Either way, she looked like a sociopath. 

She slept all day, her mind roaming over every detail she could stand to remember. There wasn't much. 

Being trapped. Getting others to safety. Watching Chat die. Escaping with her life. Making it to the hospital while so many remained helpless. 

The guilt crashed over her in waves. Sometimes it felt as if she could breathe, but the next second she was gasping for air. 

The first time the anxiety attack hit, Tikki was right there for her. 

Marinette swore her lungs were collapsing. Her eyes moistened and her entire body seized up on itself. She clawed at her clothes as if that would help, but even when they were off she felt like she was drowning. 

Tikki flew right in front of her face and yelled to her. Marie the couldn't hear her the first couple of times, but when the tiny kwami came into focus, she could make out the words on her lips.

"Marinette, you need to take deep breaths." 

Her loose shirt was pulled off and her bra clung helplessly to her body. It felt tight and constricting, as if it were trying to squeeze the life out of her. 

"Marinette!" Tikki touched the girl's face gently, tiny hand coming away sweaty. "You need to sit up so you can breathe, okay?" 

"Marinette?" The voice was different. Her mother's head popped up from the trap door, her eyes blazing in concern. Tikki fled to hide, lucky not to be seen by the keen eye of Mrs. Dupain Cheng.

Her daughter lay on the floor in the fetal position, face red and eyes dilated. She ran over to her, picked her up in her arms. 

"Marinette," she cooed, "you will be fine, my darling. This will pass." 

She still couldn't breathe. She took gasping breaths that didn't seem to touch her lungs. 

The anxiety didn't stop for the next fifteen minutes, an eternity in her eyes. When she was done, she felt entirely drained. Her body was sore, her cast heavy like her eyes, and she just wanted to sleep for the next year. She fell asleep in her mother's arms on the floor.

When she woke up, it was approaching dusk. She stretched her arms over her head and walked down steep steps. She didn't realize how steep until a hunk of plaster was attached to her. 

Her parents were on the couch in the living room, sitting in front of the TV but not watching. They were deep in conversation, curled into each other. Her father had tears in his eyes, her mother kissed his fingers to comfort him.

"Why did this happen to her? She doesn't deserve this. Nobody deserves this."

Marinette's foot clunked loudly on the last step. The couple turned to look at her, blushing slightly at their conversation topic. 

"Hey, kiddo." Her father stood up and gave her a big hug. She didn't tell him that it hurt to be squeezed like that. She reveled in the comfort of his huge arms around her. "Want me to fix you something to eat? You must be starving."

She was. She hadn't eaten any of the hospital food. She hadn't allowed herself to. But now, she was ravenous.

With a nod, he went to the kitchen to fix her something. 

She sat herself at the island and leaned over the counter. Her mother sat beside her and rubber her back. She must have dozed off again, because when she snapped awake, there was a massive plate of food in front of her.

Her dad smiled at a distance. "Sorry, I went a little overboard."

He did, but she didn't mind. She ate in silence, picking slowly at her food while her parents watched nervously. 

Why wasn't she speaking with them? they asked themselves. What was wrong?

When she had her fill, Marinette psyched the plate away and walked back upstairs after a quick hug to both of her parents. She went up to her room and closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suffffeeerrr


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Marinette has a breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst angst angst ang

Marinette woke up in the dead of night. Crickets chirped outside her window, an owl hooted in the distance. The streets below her room were unusually silent for a Saturday night. The breeze that blew in her window circled around her and beckoned her to sleep. 

She ignored it.

She straightened up in bed and stretched again, taking a deep breath that filled her body. She felt like crying again, but she refused. 

It wasn't time to be sad. It was time to be angry. 

Angry at Hawk Moth for sending that akuma. Angry at Fashionista for being so powerful and ruthless. Angry at Chat for getting himself trapped.

She seethed with it, and realized it felt better than being sad and helpless. Sadness was completely useless to her; she didn't need to be sniveling on the floor to be comforted by her mother. 

She could use anger. Channel it.

"Spots on." She said it firmly despite the time. Tikki swirled into her earrings from where she was sleeping in her cushion. It was a rude awakening, but Marinette had work to do.

She hadn't found the akuma the night before, but she would this time. She wouldn't stop like she had to when she had a nurse checking in on her. She had been sleeping for so long, but now she had the energy.

Leaping from her window felt like the right thing to do. The breeze that called her to bed was biting at her nose as she flew through the cold air. It told her to turn back, that nothing could be done. She pushed past it, refusing to listen to the ignorant chanting of the wind. It had no idea what she could do.

She had work to do; an akuma to find.

She flung herself onto the Eiffel Tower, climbing to the top in seconds. The air was considerably colder here, but the leather surrounding her body was warm and comforting. The wind blew harder, wafting the subtle noises of the city to her. The view was spectacular, studded with lights and patches of darkness. 

Where was that goddamned akuma?

She fooled herself into thinking that she would be able to see it from up here. But it should have multiplied by now. There should be swarms of tiny purple butterflies terrorizing people and getting ready to start the apocalypse.

Why were they being so difficult?

Frustration surged through her, starting with a tingling in her toes, weakening her legs, twisting her stomach, throwing stones into her lungs, and making her head spin and vision blur. They were the reason she had to be doing this alone, and she hated them for everything they were. 

Again and again, she shook thoughts of Chat from her head. Those thoughts were too bitter, and not in the way she could channel. She felt nothing but deep and unrelenting ache coming from thoughts of him. Her entire body seized with sadness whenever he came into her mind, reminding her of her failure.

She leapt from the top of the tower with arms spread wide. As she fell, she relished in the biting wind that rushed past her ears, throwing her hair behind her. The rush of wind made her eyes water and she blinked away the sting. 

The ground approached quickly and see stared it down. She challenged it as it came nearer and nearer, daring it to hurt her. The details became larger and sharper as she fell. She could see the cracks in the sidewalk and then the spots of gum that dotted the ground. She could almost see the patterns of the concrete's bumpy surface when she pulled herself from her descent. 

With just feet left to fall, she whipped out her yo-yo and flung it around a building's chimney, letting herself swig away from the approaching ground. The pull on her arms was intense, straining tired muscles that had too often been resting in the last days. She struggled to hold on to the yo-yo as she swung. 

The building whose chimney she was attached she came hurdling towards. She was going too fast, she realized. She tried to detach her yo-yo from the chimney and throw it somewhere else, but it stuck.

She pulled on the unbreakable chord as the building rushed at her. She could see her reflection in the windows that dotted the side of the building. Without another option, she braced herself for impact. 

The collision was breath taking. She felt her entire body crack against the wall and her entire body was encased in fire. Her head spun on her shoulders, her eyes crossed, and her teeth clenched in a grimace. 

Finally, the yo-yo detached from the chimney and she fell to the ground, beating another death from her. She landed with a hard oof and stayed down for a second to catch her breath. 

Stupid. She was so stupid.

She shouldn't have waited so long to catch her fall. 

What was wrong with her?

She stood with a groan and stretched the aching shoulder which took the brunt of the impact. There would be a large bruise there tomorrow. She could already feel it forming beneath her leathery suit.

With a limp, she began running along the sidewalk. Her shoulder needed to rest before she could swing around the city more, but her broken leg complained loudly beneath her. She couldn't win. 

She ran hard, ignoring the pain surrounding her. It was annoying, honestly. She just wanted to do her work and get revenge on those who deserved it. 

Was that too much to ask?

Scanning the city as she ran, she looked everywhere for the tiny purple bug. It had to be in the city, she knew. She had to be able to find it before it hurt anyone else. 

The night pulled her in every direction. Dark alleys and high rise buildings called to her, showing her hiding places in every nook and cranny. 

The thing could be anywhere. 

She panted heavily, pumping her arms at her sides. A couple of pedestrians walked down the street, pointing and staring at her as she passed. There were more than she had expected at this hour. She hurdled a car and started to run in the nearly empty streets to avoid them. 

Cars paced her down the street, passengers taking pictures of her as she sweated and breathes heavily. She ignored their intrusion and watched around them, waiting for a hint as to where the akuma was. They had no idea what she was doing was so important, but she wanted them to stop. 

They were distracting her. What if she needed to turn a sharp corner and they were in the way? What if she saw the akuma and they blocked her path? What if she had to protect one of them from the tiny bug and prevent their akumatization? What if-

As she passed an intersection with a red light, she was blind sided by a passing car. It was slow moving, but the force hit her broken leg with a thud. 

She tumbled over the car and landed on her hands and knees. The car screeched to a halt behind her and the driver hopped out in a flurry.

"Oh my god! Ladybug! Are you okay?" The man walked over to her where she crouched. Her leg was angry at her, so angry. She could feel the way it bent unnaturally. Tikki beeped in her ear.

Pedestrians and witnesses to the event made a circle around Ladybug, unsure what to do about the injured superhero.

"Ladybug! Your leg!" The driver of the car came to huddle close to her. "I think your leg is broken. Oh my god I'm so sorry. I didn't see you. I hit Ladybug with my car. Oh my god, I broke her leg. I am so sorry, I don't-"

The pain in his face was obvious. She took a deep breath and stood. The crowd around her retracted, somehow scared. Perhaps intimidated. 

"I'm fine." She said briskly.

The driver was still on the ground, tears running down his face. He looked pathetic as he crouched there. "But I broke your leg."

"It was already broken." She took a shuddering step. The pain raced through her body and she grimaced against it. The crowd noticed and reached out protectively. She fended them off with a wave of her hand. She didn't need help.

A flick of her yo-yo pulled her out of the crowd and through the air. They stared after her as she disappeared into the night. 

She searched for hours. She searched until she couldn't breathe and couldn't move. Her body was tired and fighting against her, but she forced herself onward. She had to find that tiny asshole bug. She had to purify it or kill it or something. She just had to get rid of it. 

She circled the city twice, running through every street she could find, every back alley, looked through every window, over every roof. She went to all the monuments she adored and ignored all the people staring at her or shouting her name. She didn't have time for them. She swung through every public building, looked down every sewer, in every trash can. She hovered over the windows of every car, looked through every door, every tree, every lamp post, every mail box, every truck. She looked everywhere she could think and then she did it again. 

She didn't care what time it was or that her body was begging for sleep. She kept going.

Only when she saw the sun coming up over the horizon did she notice the time. Five thirty. How long has she been searching?

Not long enough.

She took another step, but her leg gave out beneath her. She crumbled to the ground. 

She had to get you, she told herself. Get up. Get up.

She tried standing, but her body rejected the idea. 

She screamed.

It seemed like the best option at that point. She hit the ground with her fists and pounded at the concrete on the empty street beneath her. She screamed as long and as loud as she could, hoping that it would take away some of the weakness and uselessness that she was feeling. 

She screamed and she beat the ground until her hands went numb and her throat felt hoarse. A light went on in the window of an apartment next to her. A dog started barking somewhere. She kept yelling. She kept hitting. It didn't help. 

She had to get up, dammit. 

She looked up and saw someone walking down the street. They obviously saw her. She could see it in their tense posture as they walked their dog. He tried to ignore her, staring straight ahead. 

It was hard to ignore a crying superhero, though. He walked past her as she sat back on her feet. 

"Excuse me?" she called. She hated the shaking in her voice, that rasp.

The dog walker stopped and looked over to her. He didn't make any movements, but he was still tense. 

"Can you help me?" She tried to give a smile, but it broke under a quiet sob. She covered her mouth with a hand. 

All the tension dissolved from him. His face was washed with concern as he walked over to her. "Yeah," he said as he nudged his dog in the correct path. 

He walked towards her and stood next to her, then crouched down. His dog came over to sniff at her. It was a big retriever, with long floppy ears that she flipped and played with for a second. She gave the man a smile. 

"What do you need, Ladybug?" He couldn't meet her eyes, but she realized that she didn't want him to. She didn't want anyone seeing her like this. She spotted a bench a couple of yards away. 

She pointed. "Could you help me over there?" 

He nodded. He set the leash down on the ground and offered a hand. She grabbed it thankfully and pulled herself up. She tried to stand, but only one leg would support her. She was glad the man was taller than her, because he let her use his shoulder to limo over to the bench. 

She grabbed onto his shoulder while he laid a hesitant hand around her waist. She leaned almost completely into him as they walked. She couldn't put any weight on her leg. Not anymore. 

She huffed and groaned as she made her way to the bench. The short distance was so daunting now that she had to take so many steps to get there. The man helping her remained silent as she pressed all her weight into him. His dog wagged its tail beside them. 

She sat heavily on the bench when she got there. She stretched her leg out in front of her and closed her eyes against the rush of pain. 

Humiliated. 

That's all she could think. She was absolutely humiliated. She was useless and damaged and awful. She was still angry.

But now she was angry at herself. 

It was her fault, after all. 

She let six people die, hundreds more be injured. Herself included. 

She was her own casualty. 

The man who helped her to the bench sat quietly beside her. His dog shoved its big head into her lap, panting happily and wagging its bushy tail. She smiled despite her tears, petting absentmindedly at the creature.

"Wha-" she looked to him as he spoke. He didn't really know what he wanted to say, but he couldn't help himself from speaking anyway. "What happened?" 

She couldn't keep herself from laughing bitterly. "When?" She scratched at the dog's head and played with its ears.

"To you. When..." He puffed out a sigh. "During the attack."

Marinette smiled uncomfortably. She didn't really want to talk about it. She never really wanted to remember it. But it was there, always haunting her, so she spoke.

"The building I was in was the first to be hit. I got trapped in the rubble, so I wasn't able to transform. Six people died. Hundreds more were injured. Because of me." She spoke to no one in particular. Maybe she spoke to herself, maybe to the man beside her, maybe to the dog who looked at her so innocently. 

"Six people." She sighed. "No one has ever died before. I mean... Not because of an akuma. Not when I could prevent it." 

Seven, she realized. Including Chat. They hadn't even included him in the numbers. 

More tears slipped into her eyes. She pushed them away with a fur-covered hand. "Dammit," she whispered. She hated this whole crying thing. What a useless pastime.

"There's nothing you could have done," he said. 

"You don't know that."

"You said yourself you were trapped." 

"I could have done something!" She scratched the dog's head more vigorously. She didn't want to be told that nothing could be done. She wanted to be told that it was her fault. She wanted someone to yell at her and tell her that she could have done more and that she should be ashamed of herself. She wanted people to be angry at her, to throw things and to yell. She wanted something other than this pity that the man next to her was exuding. 

"What? What could you have done?"

"I cou-" 

What could she have done?

"I could have transformed."

"With a broken leg?"

"I'm patrolling on a broke leg right now! I've been standing and running on it all day! I could have transformed. I should have." She stared at the dog as she said it, unwilling to look at him. 

Why was he here? Why did he think he could help? Why did he want to?

"There was nothing you could have done."

"Bullshit," she spat. 

"There was nothing you could have done." 

She choked on a sob. "I could have-"

"There was nothing you could have done."

A torrent of tears clogged themselves in her throat, stopping any rebuttal she might have had. She could move her hands from the dog in front of her, so she kept petting. She found the repetitive motion soothing, calming as she cried. Her body pulsed in sobs, waves that crashed into her and pulled away. 

"They're all dead," she told him.

"It's not your fault."

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" Her chest was filled with the feeling. It swarmed in her like a flock of the purple akuma. Her sobbing had subsided, but tears still leaked down her face, pooling in her lap.

"Because that's what superheroes do."

She laughed. 

"How would you know?" She looked at him, finally. He was older than she expected. She hadn't noticed the grating hair in the darkness of the new morning. She didn't notice the whiskers surrounding his face, coating him in age. 

"I've seen a lot of Ladybugs in my time. More than most. They're always guilty about something. Most of it isn't their fault, either." 

Marinette's lip quivered. How could it not be her fault? How was she believing him right now? She should believe him, because it made sense. 

What could she have done?

More?

How?

She wanted to change the past, but she realized there was no going back. It had to stay like that, the horror show it was. She hated this.

She stretched her leg out in front of her. She needed the cast back on. Without thinking, she told Tikki to take off her spots.

The pink and red light surrounded her until she was back in the pajamas she was wearing earlier. The fleece was warm, pulled over the giant cast on her leg. 

It felt good to have it back on. She felt more secure now. She stood, then looked back at the man in the bench. 

"Thanks," she told his shocked face. "For helping me." 

She started walking away, back toward her house. It was a long walk from where she was, but it felt good to feel the wind on her wet cheeks. She loved the cold breeze that pierced her pajamas and froze her to the core. She loved the numbness that it brought. Unfeeling was welcome.

Tikki floated alongside her as she walked. 

"Marinette! That's two people now who know your identity." The tiny red bug was good at the disappointed mother tone.

Marinette didn't respond.

"Marinette! Do you know how dangerous this is? They could tell anyone at any time!"

"They're not going to tell anyone." They stopped at a cross walk and waited for the light to turn. 

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because they have no idea who I am. I'm just a girl to them. That's the point, Tikki." They made it across the street and kept walking. "I'm just a girl. I could be anyone."

"No, Marinette. That's not the point. Your identity is secret for a reason. What if one of them are akumatized and they know who you are, even just what you look like? Imagine what they could do! Imagine if they told Hawk Moth what you looked like?" Tikki's eyes were wide when she stopped Marinette in her tracks. "Being a superhero is dangerous, Marinette. And not just for you. Hawk Moth can target you family. Your friends. He could destroy your life and force you to give over your miraculous."

Marinette disregarded the sentiment. "That's not going to happen."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just am!" Marinette yelled. She threw her hands into the air and stomped along. The hot breath puffing from her mouth turned orange in the morning light. The brisk wind carried it away.

Tikki followed her along, staring disapprovingly. "That's very irresponsible, Marinette."

"Don't patronize me, Tikki." Marinette reached up to her ears and took the earrings out. She wasn't about to deal with her annoying kwami all night. 

When she got home, she threw the tiny jewels onto her desk and climbed into bed. She was finally tired. She was finally ready for sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which happiness is bitter and Adrien beats himself up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god 1500 hits!! Thank you guys so much!
> 
> It been forever since I've updated, and this ones a little short. I'm trying to catch up to the good stuff.

There was something wrong still, even though Adrien couldn't quite figure out what it was. Some deep ache in his chest wouldn't go away. He felt like something had been torn from him, keeping him from feeling whole. It kept him from sleeping. It kept his breath at bay. 

He was restless all day after he had visited Nino. He laced around his room all day, relieved when Natalie told him he had fencing practice or piano lessons. Finally some trace of normality in his life. 

Not that Chat Noir's life would ever be normal. 

Whatever.

He skated through the long day. There was a dark contrast between the lag of the day before and the buzzing energy of that day. Everyone needed something. His piano teacher had a new piece she was dying to teach him; his fencing instructor put him through rounds upon rounds of exercises; his father wanted to speak with him about an upcoming photo shoot; his stylist wanted to talk to him about changing his look; even Natalie was asking about him, like she suddenly cared. Everyone needed their two cents in his life. He didn't have a moment to breathe. 

By five o'clock, the day was finally over. His cook had made a bigger dinner than usual, but Adrien couldn't find the stomach to eat. 

"Adrien, is something wrong?" Natalie asked when he suggested going up to his room.

"I'm fine, Natalie."

"You haven't eaten much all day. You barely touched your lunch. Are you sure you're all ri-"

"I'm fine. Natalie." Adrien said through gritted teeth. He wanted to leave. He didn't want another moment of someone else taking up his time. "I'm going to my room." He couldn't ignore the shocked expression that she left him with, and couldn't help the pang of guilt in his stomach. 

What _was _wrong with him?__

__The feeling of guilt accompanied him up the stairs and down the hall to his room. It hung over him like an angry grey cloud as he played video games. It stirred in his stomach when he tried to go to bed early._ _

__What was wrong with him? He knew he didn't feel guilty about Natalie. It wasn't like he meant it. She understood. What was he so upset about?_ _

__Was it him or was it Chat? That was the first question he always asked himself. Living a double life comes with the shifting priorities with whichever mask you decide to wear that day._ _

__Chat worried about the big stuff like protecting people. His family and his friends and the people of Paris who depended on him and Ladybug to always be there for them. He worried about what people thought of him and to take care of everyone. The way he came across was exceedingly important as the hero of the people._ _

__But that's wasn't it. He didn't feel anything for them now._ _

__Adrien, he cared about the little things. The things that didn't matter. He cared about school and his grades which were constantly slipping. Then he had to worry about tutoring and bringing them up before his father noticed. Adrien had to worry about modeling and appeasing his father's every whim. He had to worry about staying in shape and looking good and washing his face and hair every day._ _

__Adrien had to worry about how people saw him. Not what people thought of him. That didn't matter. Who cared about the model with the pretty face who was plastered thirty feet high on a new billboard every week? He just had to look good. Not act good. Not be intelligent or kind or have any sort of morals like Chat Noir._ _

__Adrien Agreste didn't matter._ _

__He shoved his head into the silk pillowcase covering goose down pillows on a bed covered in soft fabric. He ignored the light coming from his monitors and the game consul that he left on. He didn't care about his amenities._ _

__He wanted his life - Adrien's life - to mean more than it did._ _

__He wanted family and friends that cared._ _

__He thought about his father, who only saw him as a pawn. The great designer was illusive until he needed something from his son. Then Adrien was expected to drop everything and comply._ _

__He thought about Nino, who was the closest thing that he would ever have to a best friend. He was in the hospital now, crushed by a building that Chat Noir couldn't hold up._ _

__He thought about Alya, who was with Nino, who screamed for hours until they were rescued. Adrien could still hear the echoes in his head through dust and debris._ _

__He thought of Marinette._ _

__Marinette._ _

__The guilt that had been shifting in his stomach tightened into a rock. How could he have forgotten? Where was she? Was she okay, was she alive? He hadn't seen her after the attack._ _

__She had been right next to the window that had caved in. She was more injured than the rest of them. She was dead. She had to be._ _

__He sprang to his feet. He hadn't gotten undressed yet, his feet still in his shoes, so he sprinted out the door after grabbing a jacket for the cooling night._ _

__He ran down the stairs as fast as he could, breaking one of the most important rules of the house. He yelled, breaking another rule, "I'm going out!" and left without an escort, breaking the final rule._ _

__He didn't care. He had to see if she was okay. He completely forgot about his phone. Logically, he could have texted her to see if she was okay. He could have texted anyone. Alya, Nino, whoever, and they would had told him what he needed to know. But he wasn't working on logic._ _

__He was running down the street all full speed, working on adrenaline and guilt and fury and worry. He pounded his feet into the pavement, deeply feeling the ache rupture up his shins and into his knees. He felt the biting night air at his nose and cheeks, bringing a flushed redness to his face._ _

__He ran to the school, then across the street. Like any of her friends, he knew how to get to her house purely by smell. The lingering smell of baked goods hung around the building even in the rain._ _

__Still sprinting, he skidded across the sidewalk to the front door, shuttering to a halt and knocking rapidly on the door. It opened quickly, revealing the large brick of a man Adrien knew to be Marinette's father._ _

__"Is Marinette home?" Adrien panted._ _

__"I sure hope so," Tom smiled. His big mustache crinkled with the turning of his lips. Adrien didn't laugh at what was supposed to be an endearing joke. Usually he would have, but there was only one answer he needed. Anything and everything else slipped by. There was an awkward pause before Tom spoke again. "She's in her room. What's this about?"_ _

__"Can I talk to her? I need to-" he wanted to come up with something compelling, like he needed to give her something, but he drew a blank. "I need to see her."_ _

__Sabine appeared beside her husband, a tiny thing compared to her hulking spouse. "What's going on, dear? Are you here to see Marinette?"_ _

__"Yes, ma'am." He decided charm would work well. As well as anything at this point. "I need to speak with her."_ _

__"About what?" Tom asked._ _

__"I- it's a private matter, sir." He stood on his tip toes and looked past them into the living room. "If I could just take a minute of her time, I would really appreciate it."_ _

__Sabine and Tom looked at each other. They seemed to communicate with their looks, eyebrows furrowed and lisp pursed. A decision was made between them._ _

__"I don't know, son. She's been pretty out of it since-" the silence implied the ending of the sentence. The attack._ _

__"Please."_ _

__There was nothing more to be said. There was no secret bargaining chip that Adrien could pull out to impress upon them the urgency of his meeting with their daughter. There wasn't even a reason for his being there. He barely even knew why he was there. But he was, and he wouldn't - couldn't - take a no._ _

__This time their nonverbal conversation was much longer. It was filled with slight shakes of the head, slight nods, conceding shakes, bargaining gestures. Adrien couldn't follow, he could only hope._ _

__"Only for a minute." A whoosh of air escaped Adrien at the response. "She needs her rest."_ _

__"Of course," he spouted as he walked past them. "I understand, I'll come right back down. Thank you." He rushed up the stairs to the ladder that lead to Marinette's room._ _

__His heart was pounding harder and faster than it had when he sprinted across town to get there. His legs shook and the block of guilt that was in his stomach was dissipating, evaporating into a cluster of tension in his chest. He knew he looked frazzled. That's probably the only reason he had been allowed in. The desperation was clear on his face._ _

__But he didn't care. He had to see her. The last puzzle piece. The source of guilt over the last two days. The ache in his chest. The butterflies in his stomach._ _

__He ascended the ladder slowly, trying to catch his breath while never stopping the progression. A hand reached overhead to knock on the trap door and undo the latch. He pushed it open inch by inch, listening to the tiny creak of the metal hinges._ _

__The room above was dark. He had only ever been there twice before, but this time it felt entirely different. It felt forbidden, like Adrien was an adventurer going into a dungeon filled with booby traps and pitfalls. The main floor of the room was empty when he poked his head through. A sliver of light bled across the floor from the space below him, giving every corner of the room a slight glow._ _

__"Marinette?" he called. the sound barely filled the cavernous room. He didn't realize until then how big it really was. He took another step up, everything below his chest still in the story below._ _

__"Are you awake?" One more step and his waist was in the dark room, though still bleached in light from the floor below. It was still early, so she probably wouldn't be asleep, unless what her parents had said held true, and she had been resting a lot lately._ _

__"Hello?"_ _

__Two more steps and he was almost completely in the room. Shuffling from the loft above him drew his attention._ _

__A quiet, sleepy voice blurted from the shadows. "Adrien?"_ _

__He couldn't really explain the mix of emotions he was feeling. A wave of instant relief at hearing her voice was the first thing he noticed. She was alive. Happiness surged through him, washing his very being. She was okay. Anticipation crept up, because he was really here now, really about to see her._ _

__And there was that guilt again. It persevered through the happiness and relief and anticipation. It stuck with him after the best news of his week. Month. Year. It kept gnawing at him, and he didn't know why._ _

__He climbed fully into the room and shut the door behind him. The space was completely swallowed in darkness. Even thought the early hour should have allowed light from outside, every curtain was drawn. It seemed as though she didn't want to be seen or touched, even by the light of day._ _

__His legs propelled him all the way in despite the darkness, and found their way to the ladder by memory. He climbed as Marinette turned on her light._ _

__Suddenly, she was right there. Sitting up in bed, fully alive and awake and with a smile, albeit a confused and sleepy one._ _

__"Adrien, what are you doing here?"_ _

__He really didn't know. How was he supposed to explain all of the things he was thinking as he stared at her, in her room, in the dark? It was an awkward situation to say the least._ _

__"I-" he choked on the word. The light on her bedside table blinded him and he squinted against it. He blamed its brightness for the moisture making its way into his eyes._ _

__His legs carried him all the way up the ladder without him thinking. He walked over to her bed and sat down at the very bottom corner, so as not to disturb her. Well, more than he already had. What was he doing there?_ _

__"I'm not sure, really." Their eyes refused to meet. As if their lines of sight were the same sides of a magnet, there seemed to be something pulling them apart. Adrien tried to look at her, but she was staring past him, trying as hard as she could not to meet his gaze. "I just-"_ _

__Another tsunami, a hurricane of guilt blindsided him. The weight of impact knocked the air out of him, and the magnetic fields in the room shifted. Suddenly, their eyes met, locked into position. There was nothing else in the world but them._ _

__"I thought you had died, Marinette."_ _

__Hearing her name knocked her out of the daze of sleep she had been stuck in. Seeing the tears misting in Adrien's eyes made her heart sink. But the worst was the overwhelming feeling of sadness that gripped the molecules of the air like they were made of the same atoms. Guilt and shame clouded the space between them._ _

__Marinette shifted in her bed, the covers suddenly white hot and freezing cold over her legs. She decided to leave them on, but moved closer to Adrien. She was unfamiliar with seeing anything in his eyes but neutral, happy emotions. He was the boy who made others' days brighter. He had the witty jokes and obscure puns out of left field. He always had the smile and the laugh on hand. He always had a word of comfort. She had never seen him this completely vulnerable._ _

__"Adrien-"_ _

__"I thought you were dead. For three days. And I didn't try to see if you were okay." Their eyes remained locked. Marientte couldn't look away._ _

__"I don't-" she reached out a hand for him, but he shifted away._ _

__"Marinette, I thought you were dead." Finally, he looked away. His chin pulled itself into his chest and he stared down at his hands. He had thought he was responsible for her death. But he couldn't tell her that. "I am so- so sorry."_ _

__"No, Adrien. You don't have to be."_ _

__His eyes squeezed closed and the tears that had been brimming on his eyelashes flowed down his cheeks. "Yes I do. I should have come sooner. I visited Alya and Nino, but I couldn't-" the breath he took shuttered through his chest painfully. "I am so sorry."_ _

__When their eyes met again, Marinette's breath hitched._ _

__"Adrien."_ _

__Floodgates opened and tears streamed freely from his eyes. He whispered apologies one right after the other, until they ran into each other and they all became one. Marinette wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled his close to her chest, ignoring the pain that came from stretching too far. His tears soaked into her sleeping shirt. His chest wracked with sobs. His arms gripped tightly around her torso, as if letting go meant losing her._ _

__"I am so sorry," he kept repeating, until finally, Marinette responded._ _

__"It's okay, Adrien. I forgive you. It's okay. Everything's okay now."_ _

__Their words ran together into one long mantra, until, as one, they stopped, and they fell into sleep._ _


End file.
